Wednesday, September 30, 2009

This morning I heard on the news that the Lane Cove Tunnel is up for sale. They are saying not enough, nowhere near enough, people are using it. They can't understand why.

It's a nice tunnel. I like it. I don't think there's anything wrong with the tunnel per se.

I think what's wrong is that the people of this city, especially the people living in the North West region of this city are sick to death of being fucked over by the state government. The whole M2/Epping Road/Lane Cove Tunnel fiasco has been a joke and a diasaster from day one, but instead of admitting it and quitting while they were behind the state government just kept on compounding the problems and those of the commuters.

It's not that people don't like the tunnel, it's that the people have had enough of the blatant manipulation, the poker faced "we're doing this for your benefit" bullshit. Have you driven on the M2 in peak hour? It's a car park, a very expensive car park. And where do you go once you've paid for a visit to this car park? The Lane Cove Tunnel, where you are charged some more of your hard-earned to continue on with your miserable trip.

People are simply voting in the only way they know how: by avoiding it, even if it means going out of their way to use other roads and/or catching the private buses (which use the bus lanes on Epping Road, thus avoiding the Tunnel).

Seriously. The fact that the government employs countless "consultants" (I'm going to start using that word as an insult, as in "you consultant") who are paid a gazillion dollars to write reports of totally no value and then the government acts on these reports, using our money to not only pay for the useless reports but for the capital works which follow. Then everyone is surprised when the population isn't happy.

Blind Freddy could tell that the Lane Cove Tunnel was going to be as popular as Warwick Capper at a feminist convention. Now everyone is acting all surprised. Sheesh!
Some of you may be wondering what this whole Carbon/Emissions Trading thing is all about. There is certainly a lot of talk about it in the media.

I thought I'd take a moment to give you a practical demonstration of what this will mean to you.

Firstly, take a $20 note out of your wallet, cut it into small pieces, then go and put in your toilet. Flush.

There. You have just found out what the KRudd government is proposing.

Of course the proposed fees/taxes/stealing is aimed at the business world; the awful, evil, horrible, suck the marrow out of little babies business world. You know the business world that doesn't do anything but pollute the environment and rip off all and sundry. So that makes it all OK. Stealing from business is like a Robin Hood-style take from the rich and give to the poor scenario. All good.

Except of course that evil, old business actually employs, well, pretty much most of the adult population of our country. But let's not mention that. While we're at it, let's not mention that all these stupid taxes are going to be passed straight onto us, you and me, the good ol' Australian consumer. So everything we buy is going to directly or indirectly go up in price. Utilities, milk, donuts, tennis lessons. Everything.

Now this might be exceptable if there was any tiny, minescule possibility that this money, this stolen money, was actually going to result in anything beneficial happening for Australia, the planet, the universe, you and/or me and/or our children and grandchildren, etc. Except it won't. Not to the smallest extent.

I believe that so strongly, with every atom of my polluting, evil, Western middle class body that I would bet the value of my house and every cent I have ever and will ever earn on it, should Centabet offer any sort of odds.

Oh FUCK. We're in so much trouble (and I don't mean because of this Climate Change Hoax) and there are very few people with any balls who are willing to talk about it. Most days I am happy to observe from a distance as the population bow and scrape to the naked Emperor but sometimes I want to scream and stomp my feet and throw myself on the floor of the universal Coles supermarket and shout "wake the fuck up".

Friday, September 25, 2009

Cool news.

Ben Lee and his wife Ione Skye had a baby girl.

It may just be humdrum celebrity gos to you but it's meaningful to me.

Forgive me for repeating myself but not only did Ben Lee go to school with my sister but he makes music I love, music that makes me feel happy and grateful and alive.

The fact that he is married to Ione Skye is a cosmic mind fuck because I love Ione Skye. She is my icon, my goddess, my apex of human perfection. Why? Because not only is she beautiful, but for a brief period of time she was filming Say Anything (my all time favourite film. EVER.) alongside John Cusack (my all time favourite actor. EVER. well, at least in the films he did in the 90s plus High Fidelity) which is written and directed by Cameron Crowe (one of my all time favourite writer/directors) BUT and ALSO at the time she was filming this cinematic masterpiece she was also living with (in the Biblical sense) one ANTHONY KEIDIS, yes THAT Anthony Keidis.

Does anyone really deserve that sort of wonderfulness? (Let's not bring up the fact that Anthony would have been a horrific heroin addict at the time of their relationship and as such probably a total nightmare to be with.)

So time comes and goes and here she is, 20 years later, married to Ben Lee and with a baby.

The cosmos moves in weird and amazing ways, don't you think.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

In celebrity news:

Did you see Toni Collette on the Emmy's last night? Talk about when good fake tan goes bad. She looked horrific, seriously. She was so gold, head to toe, she actually looked like an Oscar statuette. I love Toni (she'll always be Muriel to me) but she really looked awful.

Did you see Hugh Jackman pontificating about climate change on the news this morning. I love you Hugh; you're gorgeous and talented. But seriously shut the fuck up on this shit. You're just shovelling shit onto a pile which is very deep already.

I'll just sit back now and wait for Entertainment Tonight to call me about that job offer....

Friday, September 18, 2009

There's a bumper sticker floating around the office:

"Woolworths - Backing our Farmers 09"

HA! Nothing wrong with it except the first two letters of the second word should be "Fu".

I've said it before and I'll say it again: they have one hell of a sense of humour over there in the Woolies' marketing department.
There's been a lot to write about but not much time to write it this week. Busy busy.

I've been thinking about lots of things. Pedophiles. Kyle Sandilands. The fucked up, knee-jerk reaction, media sound bite driven society we seem to live in. My desire to stop watching and listening to the news and my inability to do so.

Will try to clear my head, find some time and put down my thoughts sometime soon. No guarantees.
Let me entertain 'roos, says outback Robbie Williams

I love the headline and I love the idea.

Come on Down... Under, Robbie. There are a couple of very nice apartments for sale in my building. We could be neighbours.

Imagine that!

"Just popping down to borrow a cup of sugar from our nice neighbour Robbie, dear."

"Why are wearing that sexy lingerie, darling?" [This is my fantasy and I don't look like a half melted marshmallow in this fantasy, OK!]

"Oh, no reason... back soon..."

Did I say that out loud?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Would you buy your dog sparkling mineral water for the measley cost of $42.50 for a 4-pack? You can here if you'd like.

What do you make of this sort of thing? Is it a sign of a healthy society which values animals or a totally fucked up bit of ridiculousness?

I like pets as much as the next person (possibly a bit less if the next person is my dear sister) but I wouldn't buy $10+ a bottle mineral water for my family, let alone my pets.

It just makes me feel sad and bemused at the mental health of the people both marketing and buying this stuff.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Just a quickie to say "Happy 1st Anniversary" to my hysterectomy.

Last Friday was one year since I had my girlie bits removed and to be honest I haven't missed them for a second. Sure the hot flushes are not fun and it's taken me pretty much all year to get them somewhat under control (currently with the help of Remifemin) but I don't miss the periods and all the associated crapola and I certainly don't miss the pap smears.
Life is good.

Ryan O'Keefe (yes, my ex Sydney Swans boyfriend, now replaced by younger, improved model Jesse White) is going to be on Celebrity MasterChef. I was fantasising about a Nude Celebrity MasterChef (with clear plastic aprons of course, you wouldn't want any nasty fat burns down there!!) when I read that QLD Premier Anna Bligh was also going to be a contestant at which point the idea of any sort of nudity made me feel a little sick. So bring on fully clothed Celebrity MasterChef. I can't wait!

Then, when things just couldn't get any better I heard that RW, Robbie Williams, the Robmeister, was coming to the Land of Oz in November to promote his new album at the ARIAs (that's the Australian Record Industry Awards for the non-Australians amongst you). So with all the excitement I forgot that the ARIAs are lame. But who cares! If he was appearing at the local Bowling Club I'd be there. The good thing about the ARIAs is that they are on at Acer Arena which is walking distance from my house and they do the red carpet thingy so I can totally and utterly disgrace myself by hanging out with the 12 year old screamers and wave at Robbie when he gets out of the limo.

I know! I really have no dignity whatsoever. But surely you know that by now.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

For those of you who think that making children live in an apartment in Australia (the land of the quarter acre block) is cruel and unusual punishment, here is Exhibit A:

This is our virtual backyard, the park just downstairs from our apartment. Notice the water backdrop, the grass, the garden and the paths for bike and scooter riding. Notice the happy smiling children (yes, they do smile and are happy occassionally, when they are not lementing how mean and horrible their parents are).

Here is a photo I like even better:

These pics were taken by their Baba (my mum) who looked after them on Sunday while I was out galavanting with my girlfriends. Thanks, Baba!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

This time of the year we start getting these Christmas Hamper catalgoues at the office. You know the type, baskets full of cheap grog and crappy crackers packaged with some cellophane and a ribbon and sold to corporates for premium prices. Nothing says "thank you for your custom" more than a basket full of Jacob's Creek and Nobby's Nuts (nibble Nobby's Nuts before Nobby nibbles yours - cracks me up every time!).

Anyhow, a catalogue arrived today and it made me think "this global recession thingy is really hitting some people hard". Amongst the $75, $150 and $300 baskets were a few new additions. The enticilingly titled Blitzen's Bon Bon (what mental image does that invoke?) is a mesh bon bon shaped gift bag containing, wait for it, 80g of chocolates - at the budget conscious price of $7.50. Then, if your business is really counting the pennies, there is the small gold box containing 100g of shortbread for $3.50.

Personally, I'm thinking if your business can only afford a $3.50 gift for their customers and/or staff, don't bother. I know they say it's the thought that counts but that's blatantly not true. I can't imagine anyone opening their box filled bountifully with 100g of third rate shortbread and thinking "woo hoo, they love me, they really love me" nor "this is a shithouse gift but it's the thought that counts". More likely they would be thinking "tightarse bastards!".

Seriously though, if a business is that tight and/or broke, a much better way to spend limited funds would be to donate some money to charity and then send out Christmas cards or emails with a small mention of the fact. I would certainly appreciate that more than receiving Blitzen's Bon Bon from a grateful supplier.