The Big Day

Today was the big day: meeting Ana Mercedes, Will's birthmother. She was to meet us here together with S, the searcher who is nothing short of a miracle worker when it comes to finding and connecting with birthmohers.

They arrived promptly at 10:00 am. Jay and Will had been waiting by the gate and Miss M ran in to tell me "they are here". I walked up to meet them and there were lots of hugs all around. I hadn't realised how tense I was until those first few moments were passed and the world was still spinning on its axis.

I don't like to build up anxiety so I had spent a lot of subconscious energy dismissing any "what if" type questions which had arisen over the last few months. Today, looking at Ana Mercedes, holding her hand, felt comfortable and natural and any anxieties I had allowed to build up dissipated instantly.

We sat around the table in our sunny courtyard and talked, asking each other questions, laughing. S's relaxed, confident, friendly yet professional translation made the whole experience much easier than I had anticipated.

Ana Mercedes has the most twinkly eyes and she loves to chat. Knowing what a tough life she has led by anybody's standards makes this a marvel. How does someone live through all that and still smile, laugh, talk openly, open herself up to total strangers from the other side of the world?

After a while Miss M wanted to swim so we moved our entourage to the shade of the tree beside the pool and continued our chatting. Soon it was lunchtime and after a quick discussion we decided the local Italian restaurant was just what we needed.

As the only customers we had the whole second floor area to ourselves, which meant we were both cosy and private. Lunch was ordered and eaten and the talk never stopped.

I have to say Will seemed like a cat that had swallowed the cream, quiet and content. He sat next to Ana Mercedes everywhere we went and was happy for her to hold his hand or rest her hand on his arm or leg. There was a simple, unspoken bond there which broached the language barrier; it just was.

I don't feel any jealousy about this, if anyone is worried on my behalf. We don't own Will; he came to our care through the incredibly mysterious alignment of our fetes. It is what it is. I feel nothing but love and awe and appreciation for Ana Mercedes. He is our son and he is her child; those are undisputable facts. Love is not a jug of cordial which is reduced when poured into multiple cups, there is enough for us all.

There were lots of things said today which can't be reproduced here because they are private between those who need to know. I'm not the secretive type but there is no value in sharing what was discussed today in a public forum.

All I know is that today was a beautiful day, enjoyed by all. Will is happy that he has made a connection with his mysterious "birthmother", somewhat saddened that the same thing wasn't possible with his birthfather (at this point). Knowing Will I'm sure there will be much under the surface processing going on and questions brewing which will pop up at the most unexpected times. He is not a boy who will have a lot of words to say about today's experience but that doesn't mean he isn't thinking about it all.

After lunch we walked all together to Parque Central where we watched Miss M ride a horse around the square. We said goobye to S and her assistant C and walked around a bit more with Ana Mercedes. Then it was time for her to go. It was a simple goodbye: hugs, kisses, tears, smiles. But it was the most difficult part of the day.

I know that as a family we are doing something (what is enough? or the right amount?) to help Ana Mercedes whose life is unimaginably more difficult than ours. But there is still guilt or something like it. I'm not responsible for her life. But I believe her life is entertwined with ours and no matter how hard I try to logic it it still hurts to think we'll be spending more on our take away dinner than she might earn in a week or a month.

So here's to a strong woman who has to fight very hard to survive in life. A woman who has made the toughest of decisions, one of which has allowed me to indulge in the whim of motherhood. Such is life.

Day One: Antigua Pics

Hola from La Antigua, Guatemala

This is our humble abode for the next week. It is a very comfortable two bedroom casa in a small gated compound which is about a ten minute walk from Parque Cental, the hub of La Antigua.

Let's catch up on the last however many hours... I have no idea how many because it could be less than 24 or it could be more than 100... I have lost track of day and night and which way is up.

We departed Sydney on a Virgin Australia fligh at 2:40 pm on Saturday 31 March. It was pretty much a faultless flight; the worst thing I can say about it was that serving a pasta side salad is not a brilliant idea when the main is a pasta or even a Butter Chicken (which was delicious by the way). Great service, great and plentiful food and top notch entertainment system. Big Jay even got double lucky with a seat across the isle from the kids and I and a bulkhead seat with the extra leg room he needs.

So a smooth flight into LAX. The usual crazy long standing around in Customs; finally fresh LA air and freedom. Straight onto a hotel shuttle to the Hilton LAX. There's nothing like the comfort, physical and psychological of a highly rated hotel. When I walk into a lobby of such an establishment I know that all is well with the world; nothing is too much trouble and everything can be fixed with the swipe of a credit card.

The kids were tired and out of sorts, especially Will who had come down with a fairly nasty cold on the flight; a combination of a lingering sniffle, airplane air conditioning and tiredness. They didn't wan to eat so we settled into the hotel room and went down for some lunch.

The Hilton was hosting some sort of US Army event, uniforms everywhere. There's something bigger and better about a US Service[wo]man. They just seem more of everything, more patriotic, more capable, more don't-mess-with-me-mofo, they fill out their uniforms better, they just project an aura which is "more".

After lunch we headed back to our room just in time to stop a brother-sister squabble of jet lagged proportions. Luckily we didn't require the assistance of the aforementioned military personnel, but it was touch and go there for a moment.

The afternoon turned into evening as we lazed about, dozing on and off, watching Cartoon Network and trying not to think about getting on another plane.

At 8:00 pm we cleared out, somewhat sorry to leave our cozy cocoon. Check-in was relatively hassle free, apart from the slightly worrying moment or two when the Delta check-in chick thought Marianna wasn't booked onto the second leg of our flights from Guatemala to Orlando. Mystery solved we proceeded to the Sky Club Lounge for more sitting around doing not much of anything. Decent snacks and a quiet place to hide from the unwashed masses, that's all one requires in a business class airport lounge.

On board, the business class seats were OK but not what I was expecting/hoping for. Not even a footrest... though the seats were wide and reasonably comfy. I couldn't sleep due to seats, turbulance and not wanting to sleep through breakfast. Guess what? No breakfast. It was advertised on our itinerary but didn't eventuate.

Then the pilot is announcing we will be landing in 8 minutes and the beatiful lights of Guatemala City are spread out underneath us. Flying into a city at dawn is special and this was our second dawn landing in GC. Lucky us!

The airport was virtually deserted and we were through baggage claim and customs in minutes. Our lovely driver Mauricio was waiting, waving his sign above the waiting crowd. In seconds we were in his van and driving through the waking streets of GC. The dusty diesel smell was probably the main memory trigger for me. It brought back arriving in that city in September 2000 full of hope and anticipation.

Now we were returning with our 12 year old son, the baby we had first held on that humid September day. He was tired and sniffly but we could tell the city was making an impression on him. He could tell we weren't in Kansas any more.

One of my favourite feelings is driving through an unfamiliar city, straight off a plane, a little dazed and confused... quietly just absorbing the sights, sounds and smells. Allowing my brain to process, admire and file the sensory data for future reference.

We were going to stop at a WalMart on the way to Antigua to stock up on life's little necessities but they were all closed. So we stopped at a smaller supermarket in Antigua and stumbled around trying to choose what we needed using brand recognition and educated guesses.

Mauricio brought us home and we laid down for a brief rest but very quickly all four of us were fast asleep. Waking at 11:30 am I realised I needed to get everyone up and out for lunch or we wouldn't be able to sleep tonight and thus our sleeping patterns would continue to be out of whack. We would also be very tired tomorrow when we are meeting Will's birthmother, Ana Mercedes.

I got the boys up easily enough but Miss M put up an admirable fight, only being enticed out of bed by the neighbours tiny (I am talking TINY, people!) puppy Tamarindo. After a quick chat with our lovely Spanish neighbour Lilith, we emerged into the street and made our way towards Parque Central, where the Holy Week fun was starting to heat up.

Last time we visited Antigua it was quiet, very quiet. Today it was chock full of people; Holy Week is probably the most important festival on the Catholic Guatemalan calendar and we have landed right at the start of it. There were lots of Mayan folk in their colourful clothing, selling goods and also enjoying the carnival atmosphere with their families. The restaurants were all full, some with queues... including Campero Pollo which was our intended lunch stop. The queue was out the door and we didn't have the patience to wait.

We found a quaint, traditional style restaurant across the road and were soon tucking into the most delicious nachos I've probably ever had. I'm going to put it down to the corn chips and the guacamole - both were sensational and just that much different to what we have at home. Yum!

Slowly we made our way home. The streets around Parque Central are being closed off and we found people (families? church groups?) making signs or pictures out of some sort out of pine needles and other plant cuttings in the middle of the street. We couldn't tell what they might be but they are obviously of some sort of religious significance. All will be revealed in the next few days when Holy Week will rev up to full throttle.

Now Will is resting on the sofa, flicking through dozens of tv channels and settling on none. Big Jay took Marianna for a swim and now they've headed back into the centre to get her hair braided and to pick up something for dinner (dare I hope for Campero?).

I'm weary, ready to go to bed but trying very hard to stay up for another 2 or 3 hours. It's now 5:00 pm... if I can stay up until eight and get a reasonable night's sleep maybe my body clock will start to adjust.

Anyway, that's all the dull details so far. Tomorrow will be a big, emotional day. Stay tuned.

Movie Review: Drive

Wow, ok...not what I was expecting. Loving Ryan Gosling each time I see him. He isn't really "handsome"; he has a quirkiness which I find oddly enticing (even if I am old enough to be his much older sister).

Anyway, at first I started getting annoyed with the blank stare but there was more to it and my patience paid off.

If you don't know the story Gosling's apparently nameless character is a mechanic, a part time stunt driver and just for kicks he derives the occasional get away car. He is an emotionless pro who gives away nothing about himself.

He connects with his next door neighbour, played by a sweet but totally wasted Carey Mulligan, and her son. When her husband gets out of jail things take a sharp turn for the worst.

I ended up enjoying the very measured pace and styling of this film. It turns into an extremely (and surprisingly) violent visual experience; this aspect is not for the squeamish.

For me it was all about Ryan Gosling; he took a mysterious character and polished him into someone endearing and incredibly frightening.

It was 90 minutes of stylised, edge-of-your seat entertainment and I loved it

Movie Review: The Descendants

From the first scenes of The Descendants I knew I wouldn't like it. Something about George Clooney's "serious" face and the clunky voice over.

But I wanted to see what the fuss was about so I stuck with it. As I watched I made a mental list of the things I liked and the things I didn't.

I liked:

* The Hawaiian setting - the real Hawaiian setting, the suburban life of it rather than the glamourous, holiday backdrop.

* The boyfriend, Sid. Without a doubt the best written character in the film.

* The somewhat unconventional take on a horrific family situation: like reality these things are often odd, funny, awkward and terribly sad all the same time.

I didn't like:

* Almost everything about George Clooney. He really is an overhyped actor and should possibly stick to seducing bimbos and saving Dafour. ER was his finest moment.

* The most awful product placement in the history of product placement: the beautifully positioned Coke can in the one genuinely sad scene in the entire movie.

* The whole land sale scenario. I could have told you five minutes in how that was going to turn out. The whole middle class redemption theme makes me sick.

Overall I would say see The Descendants if you have nothing else to do but don't go out of your way; it doesn't have anything interesting to say and it doesn't do it in a particularly interesting way.

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 8

Blissful day by the river somewhere near Ellenborough, an hour and a half inland from Port Macquarie. Rustic haven of peace and natural beauty (but luckily we didn't have to stay the night because eeekkk, nature is kind of dirty and doesn't come with flushing toilets and stuff).

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 7

My new favourite TV snack (along with Munchelo). Another cool find from Costco.

[I was going to put up a photo of my favourite child but I thought that may be politically incorrect.]

Skinhead Girl

What a romantic title for a song that is! But man I love/d that song. Right up there with the heart warming Skinhead Love Affair. Hearing Buster belt it out last night tapped those pesky old feelings again. Damn it.

Fantastic night. You'd have to be dead not to love that Ska beat.

A great night musically and a revelation on other fronts. You just never ever know what's around that corner.

[I prefer to think of these pictures as artistic rather than blurry. Thanks iPhone 3.]

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 6

I'm in love with his brain.

Smart funny is the best kind of sexy.

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 5

Today I'm wearing my Docs. The latest pair in a long line of many. I have very fond memories of my old pair of 8 hole Cherry Reds.

Dr Martens represent something to me: youth, freedom, dancing for hours in front of stage at a ska gig.

DMs for ever!

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 4

Nothing exciting going on here. Just a scary VISA bill and boring junk.

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 3

This CD changed my life. It rekindled my love for the music of my youth; rekindled the passion I felt for music in my youth.

These boys turned me upside down and shook me to the core. Their music and their words live in my heart and bones.

They are rude and crude and deep and I can't imagine who I'd be without having had them in my ears and my life for the past twenty years.

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 2

Banana, Rockmelon and Milo Smoothie.

Tastes much better than it looks.

Photo A Day Challenge: Day 1

Tired, relaxed, unfocused.

The first day of a new year.

Photo A Day Challenge - January 2012

I've been a fan of Fat Mum Slim's blog for a little while now. It's elegant blogging; stylish, clean.

Since I've been a negligent little blogger I thought I would take up her January 2012 blogging challenge - Photo A Day.

Every evening I will upload a photo as set out in the challenge below.

If you want to do the challenge to you don't need to have a blog, just post on Facebook or Instagram if you have it.

[Oh, Happy New Year every one! Hope it's a good one my amigos.]

Season's Greetings

I won't state the bleeding obvious that I have been a bad bad little blogger of late.

It's not that I don't have any blogger friendly thoughts. I have many thoughts, sometimes more than two a day. Sometimes even coherent ones. It's the time thing, there's just not enough of it in any one day. I have been trying to reduce my sleeping hours but can't get by on less than 7 which is still nowhere near Maggie Thatcher's 3 hours per night. I must try harder.

Anyways, why I'm here is not to regale you with any of my witty stories or mad ramblings but to say:

A) I will do better in 2012 on the blogging front, I promise... cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. [If I've promised this before and haven't delivered, which I'm pretty sure is the case, I will try harder this time... probably.]

B) I'm a quickie sort of girl and that's where Facebook comes in. If you'd like to be my friend (and let's face it, who wouldn't!) on FB just email me at deepkickgirl AT gmail DOT com and if I know you and I'm fairly sure you're not an axe weilding maniac (not that there's anything wrong with that) I'll give you my real name so you can do the Friend Request thingy.

So for now I'd like to wish all my loyal readers - all four of you - a very relaxing and/or fun and/or exciting non-denominational Festive Season and health, love and happiness for 2012.

Car Conversation

Driving home today Will is reading school holiday road safety tips from the school newsletter. One of the tips is keeping kids entertained with portable DVD players, digital games, iPods, etc.

I said aren't you kids lucky you have all those things for our long car trips.

"Yes," they both agreed.

I said when I was a child we didn't have that sort of stuff, we just had to look out of the window to entertain ourselves.

"That's right," Marianna says. "That was in the olden days."

"You are so smart'" Will tells her.

"Yes, I KNOW," she sighs, resigned to the burden of her own brilliance.

Just Kids: A Book Review

Just Kids is Patti Smith's autobiographical book about her relationship with the artist Robert Mapplethorpe. It is not particularly satisfying as an autobiography because it skims the surface, leaving me wanting to know more details, hear more about the nitty gritty of their fascinating lives. What it lacks in detail it more than makes up for in emotion.

This book is a deathbed promise realised; a gift of love and respect.

Their relationship, built on a chance meeting in New York City in the late sixties when they were both "just kids", literally starving artists, transcends love, lust, sex, friendship. It is the true embodiment of the term "soulmate", so easily thrown around for anyone one has known for more than five minutes.

This is what really touched me, moved me to tears and emotional pain. I am always fascinated by strong emotional attachment because I don't think I have felt it truly, powerfully since I was "just a kid" myself.

But this book also made me think about my own yearning for an "artistic" life as a teenager. Do all teenagers yearn for a bohemian life of creativity and social freedom? I know I did. But in hindsight my desire for stability was much more powerful than any artistic daydreams I may have harboured. Like Patti, my practical side took control. In her case she was able to balance and find room for both. But it was a different time.

She speaks of the artistic force which drove both her and Robert and it is certainly not something I felt very strongly. This force was everything to them; that they eventually found critical and financial success was more good fortune than pure talent. Many equally talented people fall by the wayside for a myriad of reasons.

I really enjoyed this book, it had a strong emotional impact on me. I haven't been Patti's biggest fan. Apart from loving her collaboration with Bruce Springsteen "Because the night", her "Pissing in a river" from the Times Square soundtrack and the recently discovered "Redondo Beach" from her first album "Horses" I haven't delved deeply into her music. But her story really surprised me, not only is she not who I guessed she might be but she writes beautifully; I was left wanting more yet emotionally both buoyed and devastated.

Cooking with DKG: Episode 742

I have so many thoughts swirling around, ready to pop out as a blog post, but no time to coherently master them into submission. So you'll need to put up with a quick recipe instead, because god knows there aren't enough recipes swirling about the cyber world.

This isn't anything ground breaking just a combination of some of my favourite flavours and the result of reading a dozen recipes featuring the words Smoked Salmon and Ricotta.

Quick Salmon, Ricotta and Tomato Pasta

500g pasta
200g Smoked Salmon
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved or whole (as you like)
2 cloves garlic, crushed or finely chopped
Zest of 1 lemon
1 Tablespoon olive oil + extra for serving
1Tablespoon butter (homemade in the Thermomix is nice - ha ha)
2-3 Tablespoons Ricotta
2-3 Tablespoons Sour Cream
Handful of parsley
Salt and Pepper

Cook pasta. Drain.
Return pot to low heat.
Add olive oil and butter and garlic. Cook for a minute or two, stirring.
Add tomatoes, zest. Cook for a minute, stirring once or twice.
Add smoked salmon, ricotta, sour cream, parsley. Stir until ricotta and sour cream have combined to a smooth sauce.
Add cooked pasta, salt, pepper, extra olive oil to taste. Heat through briefly while stirring.
Serve.

* This quantity gave us dinner for four plus enough for lunch for Big Jay. Probably we could have squeezed out two lunches if we weren't such greedy little piglets last night.

I love these flavours. The lemon zest really gives it a boost. It's a warmer months style of pasta for when you're sick of spag bol (I rarely get sick of it but...). Will said he wanted to eat it every night which is a pretty good endorsement.

Obviously you can add whatever you have in the fridge: frozen peas, rocket, baby spinach, capers, make it with sliced chicken or proscuitto instead of salmon. We had it with funky little pasta shapes I bought at Costco which look a little like shark eggs or alien pods but I think it would work with any type of pasta at all.

Enjoy!

Sorry Day

Yesterday was a very sorry day. I am sorry that such unspeakably bad legislation was passed by the government of the country I live in and love so very much. I am sorry that we have a government that continues to make bad decisions pretty much every day of the week. I am sorry that so many people believe this legislation and this tax will help the environment in any way. I am sorry that this government won't grow some balls and admit that this is little more than a tax grab. I am sorry that so many people believe that it's better to do a stupid "something" rather than a realistic nothing. I am sorry that people keep saying they now have hope for the future of their children and grandchildren. I am sorry that these people don't spontaneously combust. I am sorry that something magical didn't occur in the last few months to save us from this bad thing. I am sorry that I don't have the guts to have organised a coup and installed myself as the benevolent dictator of this woe begotten country. I am sorry that there isn't a federal election being held this Saturday.

I am sorry that in 20, 50, 100 years time when the Emperor's nakedness is revealed and history will show all this insanity for what it is, there won't be a Sorry Day and that Kevin Rudd or his future clone won't shed crocodile tears for the damage done.