This morning I heard on the news that the Lane Cove Tunnel is up for sale. They are saying not enough, nowhere near enough, people are using it. They can't understand why.

It's a nice tunnel. I like it. I don't think there's anything wrong with the tunnel per se.

I think what's wrong is that the people of this city, especially the people living in the North West region of this city are sick to death of being fucked over by the state government. The whole M2/Epping Road/Lane Cove Tunnel fiasco has been a joke and a diasaster from day one, but instead of admitting it and quitting while they were behind the state government just kept on compounding the problems and those of the commuters.

It's not that people don't like the tunnel, it's that the people have had enough of the blatant manipulation, the poker faced "we're doing this for your benefit" bullshit. Have you driven on the M2 in peak hour? It's a car park, a very expensive car park. And where do you go once you've paid for a visit to this car park? The Lane Cove Tunnel, where you are charged some more of your hard-earned to continue on with your miserable trip.

People are simply voting in the only way they know how: by avoiding it, even if it means going out of their way to use other roads and/or catching the private buses (which use the bus lanes on Epping Road, thus avoiding the Tunnel).

Seriously. The fact that the government employs countless "consultants" (I'm going to start using that word as an insult, as in "you consultant") who are paid a gazillion dollars to write reports of totally no value and then the government acts on these reports, using our money to not only pay for the useless reports but for the capital works which follow. Then everyone is surprised when the population isn't happy.

Blind Freddy could tell that the Lane Cove Tunnel was going to be as popular as Warwick Capper at a feminist convention. Now everyone is acting all surprised. Sheesh!

Some of you may be wondering what this whole Carbon/Emissions Trading thing is all about. There is certainly a lot of talk about it in the media.

I thought I'd take a moment to give you a practical demonstration of what this will mean to you.

Firstly, take a $20 note out of your wallet, cut it into small pieces, then go and put in your toilet. Flush.

There. You have just found out what the KRudd government is proposing.

Of course the proposed fees/taxes/stealing is aimed at the business world; the awful, evil, horrible, suck the marrow out of little babies business world. You know the business world that doesn't do anything but pollute the environment and rip off all and sundry. So that makes it all OK. Stealing from business is like a Robin Hood-style take from the rich and give to the poor scenario. All good.

Except of course that evil, old business actually employs, well, pretty much most of the adult population of our country. But let's not mention that. While we're at it, let's not mention that all these stupid taxes are going to be passed straight onto us, you and me, the good ol' Australian consumer. So everything we buy is going to directly or indirectly go up in price. Utilities, milk, donuts, tennis lessons. Everything.

Now this might be exceptable if there was any tiny, minescule possibility that this money, this stolen money, was actually going to result in anything beneficial happening for Australia, the planet, the universe, you and/or me and/or our children and grandchildren, etc. Except it won't. Not to the smallest extent.

I believe that so strongly, with every atom of my polluting, evil, Western middle class body that I would bet the value of my house and every cent I have ever and will ever earn on it, should Centabet offer any sort of odds.

Oh FUCK. We're in so much trouble (and I don't mean because of this Climate Change Hoax) and there are very few people with any balls who are willing to talk about it. Most days I am happy to observe from a distance as the population bow and scrape to the naked Emperor but sometimes I want to scream and stomp my feet and throw myself on the floor of the universal Coles supermarket and shout "wake the fuck up".

Cool news.

Ben Lee and his wife Ione Skye had a baby girl.

It may just be humdrum celebrity gos to you but it's meaningful to me.

Forgive me for repeating myself but not only did Ben Lee go to school with my sister but he makes music I love, music that makes me feel happy and grateful and alive.

The fact that he is married to Ione Skye is a cosmic mind fuck because I love Ione Skye. She is my icon, my goddess, my apex of human perfection. Why? Because not only is she beautiful, but for a brief period of time she was filming Say Anything (my all time favourite film. EVER.) alongside John Cusack (my all time favourite actor. EVER. well, at least in the films he did in the 90s plus High Fidelity) which is written and directed by Cameron Crowe (one of my all time favourite writer/directors) BUT and ALSO at the time she was filming this cinematic masterpiece she was also living with (in the Biblical sense) one ANTHONY KEIDIS, yes THAT Anthony Keidis.

Does anyone really deserve that sort of wonderfulness? (Let's not bring up the fact that Anthony would have been a horrific heroin addict at the time of their relationship and as such probably a total nightmare to be with.)

So time comes and goes and here she is, 20 years later, married to Ben Lee and with a baby.

The cosmos moves in weird and amazing ways, don't you think.

In celebrity news:

Did you see Toni Collette on the Emmy's last night? Talk about when good fake tan goes bad. She looked horrific, seriously. She was so gold, head to toe, she actually looked like an Oscar statuette. I love Toni (she'll always be Muriel to me) but she really looked awful.

Did you see Hugh Jackman pontificating about climate change on the news this morning. I love you Hugh; you're gorgeous and talented. But seriously shut the fuck up on this shit. You're just shovelling shit onto a pile which is very deep already.

I'll just sit back now and wait for Entertainment Tonight to call me about that job offer....

There's a bumper sticker floating around the office:

"Woolworths - Backing our Farmers 09"

HA! Nothing wrong with it except the first two letters of the second word should be "Fu".

I've said it before and I'll say it again: they have one hell of a sense of humour over there in the Woolies' marketing department.

There's been a lot to write about but not much time to write it this week. Busy busy.

I've been thinking about lots of things. Pedophiles. Kyle Sandilands. The fucked up, knee-jerk reaction, media sound bite driven society we seem to live in. My desire to stop watching and listening to the news and my inability to do so.

Will try to clear my head, find some time and put down my thoughts sometime soon. No guarantees.

Let me entertain 'roos, says outback Robbie Williams

I love the headline and I love the idea.

Come on Down... Under, Robbie. There are a couple of very nice apartments for sale in my building. We could be neighbours.

Imagine that!

"Just popping down to borrow a cup of sugar from our nice neighbour Robbie, dear."

"Why are wearing that sexy lingerie, darling?" [This is my fantasy and I don't look like a half melted marshmallow in this fantasy, OK!]

"Oh, no reason... back soon..."

Did I say that out loud?

Would you buy your dog sparkling mineral water for the measley cost of $42.50 for a 4-pack? You can here if you'd like.

What do you make of this sort of thing? Is it a sign of a healthy society which values animals or a totally fucked up bit of ridiculousness?

I like pets as much as the next person (possibly a bit less if the next person is my dear sister) but I wouldn't buy $10+ a bottle mineral water for my family, let alone my pets.

It just makes me feel sad and bemused at the mental health of the people both marketing and buying this stuff.

Just a quickie to say "Happy 1st Anniversary" to my hysterectomy.

Last Friday was one year since I had my girlie bits removed and to be honest I haven't missed them for a second. Sure the hot flushes are not fun and it's taken me pretty much all year to get them somewhat under control (currently with the help of Remifemin) but I don't miss the periods and all the associated crapola and I certainly don't miss the pap smears.

Life is good.

Ryan O'Keefe (yes, my ex Sydney Swans boyfriend, now replaced by younger, improved model Jesse White) is going to be on Celebrity MasterChef. I was fantasising about a Nude Celebrity MasterChef (with clear plastic aprons of course, you wouldn't want any nasty fat burns down there!!) when I read that QLD Premier Anna Bligh was also going to be a contestant at which point the idea of any sort of nudity made me feel a little sick. So bring on fully clothed Celebrity MasterChef. I can't wait!

Then, when things just couldn't get any better I heard that RW, Robbie Williams, the Robmeister, was coming to the Land of Oz in November to promote his new album at the ARIAs (that's the Australian Record Industry Awards for the non-Australians amongst you). So with all the excitement I forgot that the ARIAs are lame. But who cares! If he was appearing at the local Bowling Club I'd be there. The good thing about the ARIAs is that they are on at Acer Arena which is walking distance from my house and they do the red carpet thingy so I can totally and utterly disgrace myself by hanging out with the 12 year old screamers and wave at Robbie when he gets out of the limo.

I know! I really have no dignity whatsoever. But surely you know that by now.

For those of you who think that making children live in an apartment in Australia (the land of the quarter acre block) is cruel and unusual punishment, here is Exhibit A:

This is our virtual backyard, the park just downstairs from our apartment. Notice the water backdrop, the grass, the garden and the paths for bike and scooter riding. Notice the happy smiling children (yes, they do smile and are happy occassionally, when they are not lementing how mean and horrible their parents are).

Here is a photo I like even better:

These pics were taken by their Baba (my mum) who looked after them on Sunday while I was out galavanting with my girlfriends. Thanks, Baba!

This time of the year we start getting these Christmas Hamper catalgoues at the office. You know the type, baskets full of cheap grog and crappy crackers packaged with some cellophane and a ribbon and sold to corporates for premium prices. Nothing says "thank you for your custom" more than a basket full of Jacob's Creek and Nobby's Nuts (nibble Nobby's Nuts before Nobby nibbles yours - cracks me up every time!).


Anyhow, a catalogue arrived today and it made me think "this global recession thingy is really hitting some people hard". Amongst the $75, $150 and $300 baskets were a few new additions. The enticilingly titled Blitzen's Bon Bon (what mental image does that invoke?) is a mesh bon bon shaped gift bag containing, wait for it, 80g of chocolates - at the budget conscious price of $7.50. Then, if your business is really counting the pennies, there is the small gold box containing 100g of shortbread for $3.50.

Personally, I'm thinking if your business can only afford a $3.50 gift for their customers and/or staff, don't bother. I know they say it's the thought that counts but that's blatantly not true. I can't imagine anyone opening their box filled bountifully with 100g of third rate shortbread and thinking "woo hoo, they love me, they really love me" nor "this is a shithouse gift but it's the thought that counts". More likely they would be thinking "tightarse bastards!".

Seriously though, if a business is that tight and/or broke, a much better way to spend limited funds would be to donate some money to charity and then send out Christmas cards or emails with a small mention of the fact. I would certainly appreciate that more than receiving Blitzen's Bon Bon from a grateful supplier.

I'll never forget the first time I saw Pulp Fiction. Wow, that film just knocked me around and upside-down; it was such a different way to tell a story. I loved that the audience had to think, had to be somewhat intellectually active, if only to connect the dots and put things together. It didn't follow the usual formula of spoon feeding the viewer with the story in a linear fashion.

At that moment I knew that Quentin Tarantino was not your usual film maker. Reservoir Dogs had given us a hint but Pulp Fiction was his masterpiece.

Since then he has dithered around, never really producing anything which has impressed me at all. With Inglorious Basterds I had some slightly higher hopes.

Let me start by saying that anyone who is lactose intolerant should stay away from IB because it is, at times, so cheesey you may have a terrible reaction.

I wanted to really love it but I didn't. It has potential and Quentin has an amazing imagination but it just doesn't sizzle. There are simply too many lame bits, bits that fall short, bits that are plain stupid.

Like The Producers this is a Nazi slapstick comedy of sorts. But it's a very black comedy and I thought it didn't find the right way to straddle the two ideas; the funny and the horrific. While I laughed at times and was horrified at times I left feeling very unsatisfied.

The close ups of Brad Pitt did send me on a trip down memory lane to a time when I first glimpsed him in Thelma and Louise and thought "that guy is gorgeous, who is he?" and then in Kalifornia when I knew he was going to be somebody. To be honest I felt a little sorry for him, he seemed uncomfortable, not sure of who he was supposed to be.

Anyway, I'll be interested to hear what others thought of Inglorious Basterds. Maybe my expectations were too high.

I think I may have made a terrible mistake.

Yesterday morning during a frenzied shopping sprint through my local Coles I bought the 6 in 1 Morning Fresh Power Tabs for the dishwasher (2 packets for $10). Imagine my horror when I got home and realised the Power Tabs I had been using were actually TEN in ONE. Oh. My. God. I bought the ones with FOUR less actions (no wonder they were on special).

So this morning I got out the old and new boxes to check exactly what four actions I would have to do without.

Apparently the 10 in 1 product includes these 10 very important dishwashing actions:

1) Dissolving wrapper (Huh? That's not an "action", it doesn't help in the washing of the dishes surely, simply a packaging description.)

2) Breaks down starch

3) Attacks proteins

4) Targets food thickeners

5) Cuts through grease

6) Leaves dishes sparkling

7) Protects glassware

8) Active oxygen

9) Fragrance

10) Stain penetrating action

Now correct me if I'm wrong but don't actions 2-8 plus 10 actually just translate to: cleans dishes?

The inferior 6 in 1 product is described as follows:

1) Enzyme action to break down food

2) Removes stains

3) Dissolvable wrapper (there's that friggin' wrapper again)

4) Cuts through grease

5) Leaves dishes sparkling

6) Fresh fragrance

Following on with this sort of marketing logic you could have a "2,000 in 1 action" tab:

1) Removes tomato sauce stains

2) Removes bbq sauce stains

3) Removes gravy stains

4) Removes chicken stains

5) Removes beef stains

.... you get the idea. Are these people nuts? Why is this marketing so cynical? Surely people aren't that stupid. Why can't products be what they are? Surely a tablet you put in your dishwasher to clean dishes should do just that, without the bullshit. It's not that they are lying, it's just that they are dazzling us with nonsense.

They were talking about raising teenagers on ABC702 just now. One lady rang up and said "when you have little children you often say they are so gorgeous you wish you could eat them up and when they grow into teenagers you wish that you had".

Regularly I have moments, like yesterday morning when Marianna had the mother [pun intended] of all tantrums because I wouldn't let her carry the box of jelly beans I had just bought her, when I understand why some animal species eat their young.

Do you ever wish those damned scientists would just stop doing research and give us all a break?

Right now I'm listening to the midday news and they are saying that scientists have "discovered" that eating cured meats (ham, salami, etc) is linked to higher rates of bowel cancer in adults. They are urging all of us to restrict our cured meat intake to 70g a week (apparently that's two ham sandwiches) and to stop our children eating the stuff altogether.

Oh for fuck's sake. What are we allowed to eat? Everything is bad for us, absolutely everything. Everything is going to make us fat and/or give us cancer and/or diabetes and/or some other disease they haven't discovered yet.

Considering that eating is such a dangerous occupation and breathing the polluted air is bad for us, as is driving, flying, crossing the road and pretty much just living, how come we are all living longer than ever and each year our life expectancy is increasing, despite all the doom and gloom bullshit?

I do know the truth though. The only thing that is really bad for my [mental] health is listening to the news. It might not literally kill me but it does make me loose the will to live.

Last week I found a website which sells t-shirts, mugs, stickers, etc.

I wanted to buy the t-shirts which state:

CLIMATE CHANGE HERETIC

and

SANTA CLAUSE
EASTER BUNNY
TOOTH FAIRY
GLOBAL WARMING

But they were expensive and I'm too old and chunky to wear band-style t's these days.

So I thought about getting the stickers instead but realised some feral hippy type would probably vandalise my poor car for daring to voice dissent. They don't take kindly when you point out the emperor is sans clothing.

I will probably order myself a mug. At least the people I work with all know exactly how naked the poor old emperor really is.

In other weekend news:

* The Swans lost by 5 points to Geelong. It was frustrating and a little sad but reassuring, they didn't get flogged. (The bright side is they are definitely out of finals contention now so we have a free run through September, first time in years.)

* Today was a gorgeous, sunny, 28 degrees, perfect. We had a bbq breakfast on the waterfront with our friends G, T, A and R. It was wonderful. A beautiful taste of spring.

* Marianna and I are getting the hang of her Saturday morning 8 am swimming lesson followed by her 9 am ballet lesson. It's an early start but then we have the rest of the day free. She copes well, to her credit.

* I went for a MediPedi yesterday afternoon. It promises "baby feet" and it came pretty close. I have booked in for 6 treatments. It's pretty amazing how wonderfully soft they got my rough old footsies without using any sort of blade, just some special chemical. Hopefully the result will be long lasting.

Never a dull moment.

Marianna and I were in Myer today, doing a little browsing while Will was at a birthday party watching Coraline. Nothing exciting, just a little pottering around in the kitchen section, searching for an oil container of some sort, something to house my macadamia nut oil which came in an almost unuseable container.

So one minute Marianna is next to me, the next minute she is gone. I really mean gone. Scary gone. Where the fuck has she gone, gone. Running around calling her name, getting terrified, gone. Calling security, panicking, gone. I'm not generally a worst case scenario type of girl but I was so bloody scared. Do you know where she was? Sitting quietly behind a dryer in the whitegoods section. That's where one of the saleswomen found her, just sitting quietly.

I'm not sure what happened really. I think she was hiding from me and then got scared herself. Tonight she told me she was very scared but she can't fully explain why.

It was one of those tiny moments in life when I could glimpse how someone's life can go from 0-100 km/hour shithouse in 5 short seconds.

I've been meaning to post about this for a while. The 4 Ingredients girls. Before I knock them I do want to say there is probably room for their sort of cooking. I can't loftily assume that everyone possesses a certain level of kitchen know-how and confidence; some people just don't feel comfortable in the kitchen. The problem is, if they have a tv show and a publishing deal, so should the home economists who write the recipes for Campbells or MasterFoods which appear on the back of the sachets and tins.

I saw them do a recipe the other day for Eggs Benedict. The 4 ingredients were: eggs, English Muffins, ham and Hollandaise Sauce. Hmmmm. What's wrong with this picture?

You can't just say "Hollandaise Sauce" as an ingredient. It's like saying I can make minestrone with one ingredient: a can of minestrone soup (open can, place in microwave safe bowl, heat, eat). This is not a recipe.

A lot of their recipes are like this. Sure there is room for simple but I think they are having a larf!