The heartbreak of a sad old cow

One of life's little pleasures for me is the Pocket Profile section in the AFL magazine "AFL Record". At each game we attend Big Jay buys the magazine and flicks through before the game. Will has also started reading it end to end.

I have a brief look but always look forward to the Pocket Profile, enjoying a moment to read about the selected player.

Well imagine my thrill when this week's player was none other than Jesse White. It's a well documented fact that I have turned into a dirty old perv in my old age, with a specific weakness for young Swans. This year ex-champion basketballer Jesse is my drool worthy object of choice. His tattooed arms often feature...oh, never mind.

Back to the Pocket Profile. Imagine how pathetically pleased I was when I read this:

How would your best friend describe you? Honest, caring and fun.

Oh, how sweet.

Three things you would like to do after your footy career. Travel the world, start a family, catch up with old friends.

Oh my goodness, where have you been all my life? In kindergarten... oops.

Can this man/god get any better? Well, no. It was all downhill at that point.

Best book read: The 50th Law by 50 Cent.

Holy shit. From such highs we hit the lows. 50 Cent! Really?!

But wait, there's more.

Favourite band/recording artist: Lil Wayne.

Bloody hell. Talk about a major bummer.

Luckily there's not a lot of literary criticism going on in my fantasies.

To quote Dianne Weis' character in the wonderful "Bullets Over Broadway": "Don't speak..."

All over

It's all over for my Swannies for another year.

Saturday night's game took another 10 years off my life (I'm about 347 now). It was definitely a case of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory (they were 30 points up at half time for f*@k's sake!!! ). But as I've mentioned previously they got a bad case of third-quarter-itis and it was all down hill from there.

Dare I suggest it was Karma for Roosy selecting Bradshaw over my main man Jesse White? I wouldn't be so crass!

There's always next year...

All quiet on the blogging front

After last week's confession I felt a little drained and shellshocked. Your positive comments made me feel a hell of a lot better, so thank you very much cyber (and non-cyber) friends. A little "we love you, even though you're a bald freak" goes a long way... (hey, I wonder if that's why I like Devon Rex cats so much....).

I'm really feeling much better. I think that it's a combination of simply getting used to both the idea of my new hair and actually seeing myself in the mirror every day plus a lessening of my initial anxiety (probably because I've started back on the oestrogen patches, menopause having increased my base rate anxiety by about 1,000,000,000%) . At first I was "who the hell is that?" and now I'm getting comfortable with my new image. Also the world hasn't come to a grinding halt, so all is good.

Apart from the hair stuff, life goes on. The kidlets have been at average driving-me-crazy levels and have had many moments of this-parenting-caper-is-pretty-good. Maybe I'm just choosing to downplay the there's-going-to-be-a-murder-suicide-situation-here moments (like Marianna having a meltdown at dinnertime most evenings this week, causing whatever it is we choose to call a routine to go totally out the window).

Will is maturing into an almost teenager and it is both wonderful and frightening. Yesterday walking through the shopping centre (to OPSM to order his new glasses - having recently had a much overdue opthamologist appointment we know he needs a much stronger pair of glasses), Will skulked behind Marianna and I, walking with his hood up and his arms crossed. Oh vei, I thought, the vision of things to come.

In other Will news, it will be 10 years tomorrow (11 September 2000) since we landed back in Sydney with baby Will in our arms. Our trip to Guatemala to bring home little Will was the start of our parenting journey and an amazing time in our lives. Getting off the plane to a terminal full of family and friends (and assorted Olympic competitors) was a very memorable moment. So tonight we'll be having a little family celebration dinner. Happy Family Day to us all!

On the Swans front (and a very important front it is!) things are going well. For those that know and/or care the Swans won (just!!!) their elimination final and will now play Western Bulldogs tomorrow night. Even though the Dogs are in a pitiful state with many good players injured I can't assume my Swannies can walk all over them. The Swans are quite good at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory (and sometimes visa versa). As such it will be a tense game I'm sure (but after last week's nail biter I can cope). I'm disappointed that my current favourite Jesse White (ggggrrrrrr!) (I think it's the tatts, the height and the Clarence the Cross-eyed Lion look) has been sidelined in favour of Daniel Bradshaw (this year's great white hope, who has sat out most of the season with injury). Not happy Roos! Let's hope it's not a mistake and... GO THE SWANNIES!

I've been loving the second series of Come Dine With Me Australia. It's Big Jay's and mine guilty pleasure. It has re-doubled my need for a Thermomix. Having seen it in action during one of the new episodes I crave it so much. But at $2,000 it's a kitchen appliance which I will just have to do without until that Lotto win finally comes through.

Speaking of cooking shows, you just know I'll be watching Junior Masterchef this Sunday night. I don't want to but I will. The kids are looking forward to it so I guess we'll make it our Sunday night family show to watch. It's just that there is something creepy about a 12 year old whipping together a beurre blanc sauce, don't you think.

After watching the first episode of the third series of True Blood I have IQd the rest of the episodes and just can't seem to get back to watching them (Big Jay not being a fan it's hard to find time to watch it on my own). It looks like a great season and getting sexier by the minute. Damn it, I love those blood suckers! Even the awful Eric is looking very hot this season.

As you were.

My daughter, captain of the Sydney Swans

Saturday night was the last home game for the season* for my Swannies. It was also the last home game for two of our greats. Paul Roos only played 87 games for the Swans, between 1995 and 1998 (after playing 269 games with Fitzroy) but he felt like family very quickly. Fans will remember the reverential "Roooos" call out whenever he kicked the ball. When he returned to the coaching position in 2003 it simply felt like he was coming home; a strong, calm presence after the stressed out Rodney Eade years. He took us to two grand finals and that can never be forgotten. I'm sure he will always be part of the Swans family.

As will Brett Kirk, the retiring co-captain. Captain Kirk (as he is fondly called) was the least likely AFL hero. He's a Buddhist (sometimes introducing the Dalai Lama to the audience during his Sydney visits) for a start, and ".. a guy who can't run very quickly, can't jump, he's not that strong - jeez he's a good footy player though" (according to another Swans great, Michael O'Loughlin). Kirk was an amazing combination of gentleness, guts and never-say-die attitude. His love of the Bloods was obvious for all to see.

It was a wondrful win on Saturday night (and having our old mate Barry Hall, playing very ineffectively for the competition) made it even more of a strange and bitter sweet moment.

*This may have been our last home game of the year but there's a good chance we'll play a home final as we head towards the pointy end of the season. Just when I thought the Swans had no chance (with a very hot and cold season) it's looking like we'll finish the official season in 5th position, which is mindblowing considering how they were playing only three weeks ago.

Hipstamatic, baby!

I read about this on Dooce.com a while ago but didn't pay much attention until I came across it again today while playing with my apps (yes, damn it, I have an iPhone and I hate myself for it, but it's so good I'll have to learn to live with the shame).

Generally I have found taking photos on my iPhone a boring and non-user friendly task, especially compared to the camera on my old Nokia N95 which was very very good. Until today.

This is the most fun you can have with a small hand-held device (well, almost). It certainly kept me entertained during a dreary day at the SCG, where the Swans were systematically humiliated by the Fremantle Dockers (oh vey!).

Here is a taste of what it can do:

One point.

So disappointingly close. So tantalsingly close. So "hope for the future" close.

Not much else to say.

Imagine my excitement when I received an email with this in the subject line:

"The Ultimate Experience with the Sydney Swans up for grabs!"

Imagine my disappointment when I read the details:

"As a special offer to My Ticketek members, book tickets online to one of the remaining Swans games this season before Sunday 9 August and go in the draw to win a 2009 Sydney Swans signed guernsey, Swans merch voucher, Platinum seating for 4 at ANZ Stadium to see Sydney battle Geelong and a $50 ANZ food and beverage voucher!"

Obviously their idea of the Ultimate Experience and mine are very, very different. No mention of scented body oil and/or a blow up rubber pool full of jelly. I think their marketing people need to get back to the drawing board.

I am writing in the hope that the act of writing will inspire me to write something worth reading. Are you with me?

I'm home this afternoon with one sleeping semi-sick child and one on holidays semi-bored child. Marianna awoke this morning with a temperature and a bit of a cough and a bit of a runny nose. Nothing serious (I hope). No curly tail or oinking at this point. Will is home on school holidays. So Big Jay stayed at home for a few hours this morning while I whisked myself to the office to get the wages done. I've been home since about 11 am (at which point Big Jay went to work). So far I've hung out laundry, put away laundry, printed off a tonne of envelopes for the invoices I printed at work last week and packed the envelopes (with Marianna on stamp duty). I've also printed off some maths revision sheets for Will (who was thrilled, let me tell you). I'm about to boil up some pasta to go with the bol sauce I made yesterday afternoon.

Speaking of cooking I have to tell you about the Jerusalem Artichoke Soup I made for lunch yesterday. These little critters are very confusing. They are not artichokes, they are the tubbers of the sunflower and they look like ginger, so by and large people who don't know them avoid them. I really loved the soup I made from them so I would recommend people giving them a go. Very similar to a potato in usage, you could mash them or roast them or pan fry them. I made a cream soup and it was sweet, nutty and delicious.

Tonight I'm off to another free movie care of http://www.kidspot.com/ . This time it's the new Aussie flick Last Ride with Hugo Weaving. It's on at Dendy Newtown so I'll be off to where all the young hip people are, I'm sure to blend right in.

Better mention the girls' weekend I enjoyed the weekend before last. Our playgroup mums' annual weekends away are now a well established institution, this having been the 3rd one. This time we enjoyed the attractions of beautiful Bowral and surrounds, including our now famous long lunch on Saturday afternoon at Centennial Vineyards (where I had previously seen Leonard Cohen earlier this year). The long lunch is a highlight of our weekends away and this one lived up to expectation, especially my rhubarb souffle with walnut ice cream (I wish I had ordered it for entree and main, it was THAT good).

This weekend just gone featured Saturday afternoon at the Swans vs Essendon game. We lost which was disappointing though not unexpected, it's been that sort of year. The highlight (or possibly low light) of the afternoon was the farewell to Barry Hall. Sure he's a thug, but he's OUR thug and we love him. The kids (with a great deal of help from mum) made a sign stating "Bye bye Barry. We'll miss you. Love Will and Marianna". Not sure if Barry saw it but it did come to the attention of one Deborah Hutton who was walking behind us after the game. We had a brief exchange regarding Barry's teary goodbyes and I will count that as one more in my pathetically short and dull list of brushes with fame.

A couple of pics to finish off this bit of useless drivel:

My big girl blowing out her candles at her 4th Birthday Party in May.

Cheer cheer the red and the white...

Nothing better than a hug from a giant baby swan...

Bye bye Big Bad Bazza.

For those who don't believe a four year old can love oysters.

I can't believe I've already been home for almost two weeks. To be more precise I can't believe I was actually ever away. Real life has a way of sucking you back in that's truly awesome. Luckily I have photos (which I'll soon be sharing with you, dear reader) and my blog entries to remind me that the big trip did really happen; that I didn't just dream the whole thing.

So what's been happening these past two weeks. Well, the Swans have been loosing, they are getting quite good at it now. It's OK, we have a trip to Melbourne planned for August so we wouldn't want to be going again in September. This week was sad with Michael O'Loughlin announcing his retirement at the end of this season. I feel like I've watched him grow up these last 14 years, as he's grown from an 18 year old rookie to a senior player. He's been such an integral part of our team for all these years that even though I know at 32 he is getting past his AFL prime it will be hard to see him go.

Work has been busy, what with catching up on the work I missed while away and finishing up the end of financial year stuff. As always I am grateful to have a job which pays me more than I deserve to do work I can mainly do in my sleep and which allows me to do all my motherly duties without guilt or penalty. At the moment I am just grateful to have a job.

Jay got a car this week; a cute little Hyundai i30 hatch, Vivid Blue. We've always managed to do nicely as a one car family but it has become increasingly difficult to manage lately. So we bit the bullet and now we're a two car family.

Michael Jackson died and my intial reaction was "one less freak in the world". But then I just felt sort of relieved, like he's been put out of his misery. He was such a Gollum-like creature these last 10 years or so. Tortured, suffering, it was awful to watch. His music will be his legacy and whatever else he was nothing can take the music away from him. I choose to remember the beautiful young man singing Blame It On The Boogie and the sweet young boy dancing in front of The Jackson Five. I hope that the memory of the wretched creature he had become will die with him.

This week Marianna has been at her whining, whinging, tantruming best. It's been one meltdown after another. But in between these emotional train wrecks another side has been emerging. She has become a singing and dancing little dynamo, practicing the songs and moves she has learnt from watching the DVD of Will's school performance of The Lizard of Oz at any given moment. It is too cute to see her earnestly singing A Girls Gotta Dream, doing all the steps and the big arms perfectly.

Well, I'm tired now and my brain has suddenly stopped working. I can't think of a single other thing to write. So goodnight, check back soon for the photos.

Dear Ryan O'Keefe,

I'm not sure how to approach this.

It's not you, it's me.

You know how much you have meant to me over the years. There is no denying that I have loved you deeply. Your marks, your tackles, your kicks, your tricky little ball recoveries. Each holds a special place in my heart.

But this year things have changed. You're a little slower, a little less agressive, a little less high flying. Sure your bum still looks great in those tight shorts. Maybe it's because you're married now; we all know married life takes it out of you. Maybe it's because you're no spring chicken any more; 28 is veteran territory in the AFL.

Let's be honest here. There's someone else. I've had my eye on Jesse White since the beginning of the season and today I just knew. He's the one. Just 21, fresh, fast and, oh, those high flying marks really set my heart a-flutter.

I hope we can be mature about this. Let's remain friends; say "hello" should we bump into each on the street. I'd like that.

Good luck with your future relationships. I'll always cherish our special memories.

Goodbye. Kathy

P.S. Awesome game today.

So here I am living life in red and white.

What do you think? Is it a look which could take off?

Personally I'm just happy that the Swans won. We didn't just win, we beat Hawthorn, last year's champions. We didn't just scrape through, we won by a very respectable 38 points. That's as close to a miracle as I am likely to see.

I was a very happy little Medusa-head on Saturday night.

Thank you Gods of AFL. In a world of bad news, it's nice to get a good news story.

I am sick today. A yucky flu-y thing which makes me feel like someone has broken all my bones and filled my head with cotton wool.

But worse than that, much worse. I am heart sick.

I almost can't bear to write the words.

Ryan O'Keefe is being traded this week to a Melbourne team. I don't know how I'll go on.

Life is cruel.

It's a sad time to be a Sydney Swans' supporter right now.

I suppose these are the times which test our loyalty.

Anyway, I'm going to need a quiet September, so it's probably for the best.

I have some alarming news to report.

Aliens (or possibly the CIA) have kidnapped the Sydney Swans and replaced them with bumbling look-alikes who have obviously never played the noble game of AFL; these imposters don't seem to be able to pass or even pick up the ball, they can't run or tackle and find it impossible to kick a goal.

Obviously as a Swans' supporter I am deeply concerned by this development and can only hope that the authorities are able to find the Swans and return them to us before next week's game against Hawthorn.

If you've seen Barry Hall, Ryan O'Keefe or even Spida Everitt wondering around dazed and confused in your suburb could you please contact the authorities as soon as possible.

Speaking of Mick Malloy and Russell Gilbert we spied them in the crowd at the Swans' game on Sunday afternoon. Pics follow (Big Jay trying out the zoom on our new camera).

Before I get into the pain let's talk about the pleasure. Lunch at Bite Me, the new-ish gourmet burger place on Oxford Street. I've been hanging out to eat there and our first home game at the SCG was the perfect opportunity. It was worth the wait. My Wagyu burger topped with a Portabello mushroom was devine, as were the gorgeous chips served hot and crisp in a minature frying basket. Even the chocolate milkshake, served the old-fashioned way, was very good. They even do mini everything and the kids loved their mini burger and mini hot dog.

So, yes, to the pain. The Swans gave it a valiant shot but after a pathetic second quarter there was no joy to be had as the Bulldogs remained undefeated at our expense. I'm not surprised. This is the stage of the season where the Swannies play erratically, lulling the opposition into a false sense of security. Then, when it counts, we manage to get our act together and finish in the eight (though the four would be nice for a change this year, boys).

Anyway, here are a few pictorial memories of a day we could generally forget.

Russell Gilbert (sporting some very fetching headwear) and Mick Malloy.

The girls.

Waiting for Siggy.

A nice shot of Adam Goodes' bum.

Sorry... I know! I've been a bad bad blogger and there's just no excuse. So I'll pretend like nothing's happened, OK.

Life continues to flow like the uncontrolled and uncontrollable fast forward hurtle towards death that we all know it to be. I blink and another week or month has gone by. The children get taller and meaner. The carpet has more wear and tear. The washing machine never seems to stop.

But inbetween I do fit in cuddles and giggles with the monsters who rule our house. I manage a chat, a laugh and even the occasional dinner with great friends. The last few weeks I've even managed to drag myself to our in-house gym for a half hour, early morning workout. Big Jay and I continue to fight for our sanity breaks, paramount amongst them our weekly doses of Underbelly (WHAT are these people??!!), Dexter (Season Three better be round the corner or I may implode) and Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

The Swans are central to our lives again (March through September!). It's never easy being a footy fan and they are keeping us on our toes. Last week's match against the Kangaroos was a brain-popping 64-64 tie. This Sunday's home game against Western Bulldogs should be a big one. It's at the SCG and we're hanging out to try the new-ish gourmet burger place which opened in Oxford Street last year.

So onto the big news of the week. BIG BROTHER 08. You're all aware of my mental illness in regard to BB so you'll all be aware of how fucking excited I am. We got started last night with the "new" BB - Kyle and Jackie O hosting (I'm sad and not sad to say goodbye to Gretel, probably her time had come). I'm not a fan of Kyle's but I'm willing to give it a go. So far I'm happy with the diversity of housemates. At least they're not all dumb, young, pert wannabes. Some are actual nutty opinionated normal looking people like the rest of us.

Without knowing any better I'll say that I like Travis (the one with the annoying voice and optimistic personality), Rina (the fiesty, little lady), Dixie (the Aboriginal mental health worker), Saxon (the fully nutbag alien believer) and Terri (the Pauline Hanson loving grandma). Mainly because these people seem to have some life experience, some strong personalities and a bit of get up and go. The others are young, (mostly) attractive and too cool for school. Of course I'm also super excited about Friday Night Live. Bring it on!

Saturday night was a blast. Not only did the Swans win... a much needed win against St Kilda (home of the ugliest man in the world, one Fraser Gehrig)... but I had the pleasure and honour of participating in the Field of Women event prior to the game.

Basically it was a fundraising event for the Breast Cancer Network Australia which involved 13,000 women (and some men) forming the shape of the Pink Lady on the field at Telstra Stadium. We each paid a $50 donation and were given a pink poncho to wear. It was a really special moment standing there with all those people, hard to put into words, just an emotional, thoughtful moment.

Can you spot me?

The Swans are back in the top eight, equal fourth to be precise, after a great win over the below than average Carlton. Whoopee!

It was one of those days at the SCG when being a Swans' member is a bloody good thing. Sitting in the warm winter sun, watching our team play well, enjoying a decent (?!) hot pie and tea out of my faithful thermos.

I don't know what you did today but I wouldn't swap my day for the world.

Typical.

The first game the Swans have won in weeks... months... and we leave early due to the crap weather and Marianna's particularly crabby mood.

Never mind, a win is a win... even if it is against the woeful Fremantle. We'll take what we can get at this point.