Hell

If you are of the god bothering persuasion you might be wondering what hell is like, after all it is one of the two major options awaiting you when you shuffle of this mortal coil. Am I right?

Well, I'm here to tell you exactly what to expect. You will spend eternity in a people mover, make and model unspecified, with your husband and kids. It will be a scorchingly hot day and the a/c will be making the smallest dent in the ambient temp. Your kids will be sitting in the back row constantly whinging about how hot it is, you will be trying to reassure them but your motherly warmth will fade after the 300th time.

The driver of your eternal vehicle will be a homicidal Mexican who will think it's appropriate to fill up while you are all in the car, despite already being late. He will then turn up the Latin American pop music to 11 and proceed to drive in a style I like to refer to as SEVENTY MILES STOP!!! This involves screaming down the highway and slamming down the brakes just as you are about to run into the back of the car in front.

Did I mention he won't help with the bags because, well, you know, being a scum sucking waste of space is pretty exhausting and he just can't afford to exert the energy on anything like helping his passengers.

So where was I?