I have started reading "Secret Mothers' Business" by Joanne Fedler. It's truly fantastic and a much needed normaliser for a guilt-ridden mother like myslef. Despite a totally unnecessary political reference (which adds nothing to the story but does piss off those like myself who may not be on the middle-class leftie bandwagon so "in" right now) it is a greatly appreciated sanity saver.

Here is a passage I could/should have written myself:

"Motherhood, like the image of a beach at sunset on the glossy pages of a travel brochure, was such a perfect place of infantile cuteness and compliance. And then I got there, and the water was too cold, there were bluebottles swirling in the depths, and the sand insisted on getting in everywhere. When motherhood took on the contours of a real relationship with another person whose thoughts, wishes and personalities confronted my own, it all started to unravel. I watched in powerless horror as the person I had been began to erode.

[Particularly peritnent to us adoptive parents] My audition for the part had been impressive. I was confident I had it in the bag. But as the ensuing daily performances came and went, the role of 'The Perfect Mother' slipped from my grasp."

While I'm only a third of the way through the book I truly recommend it to the mothers who, like myself, don't ever feel good enough, happy enough and all alone in the category of "Worst Mother of the Year".