Movie Review: "Wolf Creek"

I must premise this review by saying that after we watched "Wolf Creek" last night I told my husband to slap me repeatedly on the head, Benny Hill-style and tell me to wake up to myself should I ever request that we watch a horror movie again. Let's face, I'm way too old for this shit and I just can't go on re-living my teenage horror movie glory days (when my friends and I would watch "Evil Dead" and similar titles over and over again in the darkened rumpus room and scare ourselves stupid).

Overall, "Wolf Creek" is a fine example of its genre, i.e. it's friggin' scary. All the elements are there and they are beautifully choreographed into a top class horror film. It's just my fragile, bordering on middle-age constitution which just can't take it any more.

The story is simple. Two Pommie backpacker girls and one Sydney backpacker boy leave Broome, Western Australia (which we'll be visiting for New Year, as an aside) to drive across the top end to Darwin and Cairns via Wolf Creek, a famous meteor crater site. All is going swimmingly, with a little love side story unfolding, when their car won't start after their Wolf Creek sojourn. Enter Outback Jack, i.e. creepy Michael, and you just know it's all down hill from here on in.

Everything I had heard really hadn't prepared me for how plain YUCKY (visually and psychologically) the bad bits were. It seems the older I get the less I want to be confronted with this kind of stuff. Call it denial but I just had an overwhelming urge to watch "Notting Hill" for the 700th time during most of the horrific second half of "Wolf Creek".

Then there's John Jarrett. He plays Michael (or Crocodile Dundee from HELL) and he is freakishly FREAKY! I mean this is the guy who does the handyman hints on "Better Homes and Gardens", he shouldn't be out in the desert mutiliating people! It's just too wrong and broken and I still can't get my head around it. I'll never be able to look at the poor fellow in the same way again.

If you're a fan of the horror film, then this is one of best I've seen. If you're not, then stay the hell away and watch a nice Hugh Grant film instead.

PS Things I've learnt from watching "Wolf Creek":

1) Don't drive across the Australian outback in a crappy, second hand car.

2) Don't stop to look at dodgy, middle-of-nowhere (literally) crater sites. Who cares!

3) If a crazy-looking, full on ocker dude pulls up to "help" you, beat him repeatedly with the nearest blunt object or run away, fast.

4) If you're running away from the aforementioned crazy-looking dude (who you now know not to be some harmless backwoods knight in shining armour) don't stop to watch other people's videos.