Rocktober Day Eight: Fidelity

I discovered this song late one night in 2006 as I was staying up way past my bedtime to flick around Foxtel channels. I was captivated by the very memorable music and the gorgeous, black and white (mostly) film clip and by the beautiful Regina Spektor. It was like being slapped in the face by a wet fish, but in a good way. Just a wake up call to wonderful, new music.

When I rushed off to find out about Regina I discovered her life paralleling my own in some ways. She is a Russian Jewish refugee from Soviet Russia, like me. Like my own family in 1972, her family escaped Russia in 1989 and travelled to Austria and Italy (we went to Israel and Italy) before they settled in the US (we finally settled in Australia in 1976).

That's where the similarities end. She is an insanely talented musician and brilliant song writer and ... well, I'm not. She is amazingly beautiful and ... well, I'm not. Nevermind... the silver lining is that I found her music and I love it.

Fidelity is perfection in musical form. The words are so apt for me. I feel so much like I don't love properly, not like other people. I keep one foot on the ground, as Regina says. Maybe I did love that way, a long time ago. When I was young I certainly remember loving fully and dear Neil, my gorgeous Welsh boyfriend circa 1984/5, is the last person I think I really felt that way about. Maybe breaking up with him broke me in the loving department. Maybe I'm just putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 27. Who knows... either way, this song strikes giant chords with me.

Fidelity (official clip on YouTube)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you
Kiss me so sweet and so soft

Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs
Just to break my own fall

Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course
It's gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better!

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
Breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart