Community

This is a story from our local community which makes me feel good to be alive and refreshes my deeply buried faith in the goodness of human beings. [Stop making gagging noises, I'm being serious here.] I may or may not have shed a tear reading this, believe what you like.

A Letter from Youngchul Ji

The Big O

So the day after Dance Fever, the second last day of school, I finished work early to catch a bus into town to meet my sister...

...so we could go see Oprah!

You know Oprah? The person all the hysteria has been about.

I was super excited to be going. I'm no huge fan of her's but she is a cultural phenomenon and I love me one of those. It was amazing to be part of the "Oprah in Australia" behemoth.

The reality was somewhat disappointing. I don't know if I was just worn out and drained from a few weeks of constant crazy. I don't know what it was but I just couldn't feel the vibe. I couldn't get into the screaming and excitement and the loosing my mind which was going on all around me.

I think it was a combination of things. The long wait before her royalness actually appeared. The fake clapping, cheering and laughing that we were coached to perform for the audio recording prior to the actual taping. The hyper-excitement of the others in the audience; instead of being contagious just made me annoyed and pushed me in the opposite direction.

We were lucky to get seats in the second row so we were up close and personal. For me the lowlights of the event were the interviews with Bono (O: "why did you choose Jay-Z to support you on your tour"; B: "...he's amazing... he's bringing rap to the world [we don't want it, take it back where it came from]... he's so brave [ah, no he's not, fuck off]) and Olivia Newton-John. All the "interviews" - and I use the word very loosely - were banal to the max; five minutes of utter tripe ("you're so wonderful"... "no, you're just amazing"). Give me a break... and a bucket while you're at it.

The highlights were Hugh Jackman hitting the lighting rig right above our heads. Not that I wish that gorgeous man any harm (well I did briefly after seeing Wolverine, oi vey) but it was the only mildly interesting and unscripted thing that happened all day. Despite myself I also semi-enjoyed the Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban interview, not because it provided any earth shattering insights into, well, anything. But it did give a glimpse of Nicole as a real woman, a nervous talker, a clutz; despite her airbrushed exterior I suspect lurking underneath all that bullshit facade is actually a funny, un-co kind of chick who would be fun to hang out with.

As corny as the finale actually was I did get a thrill out of it. Even a stone hearted cow like me can't help but be moved by the Australian Children's Choir singing I Still Call Australia Home while a gigantic Oz flag is unfurled above our heads.

Oprah herself seemed warm and genuine and fun. While the scripted and produced parts of the show were flat and about as appetising as the leftover bits of WeetBix stuck on the bottom of the bowl and left in the sink all day, the in-between bits showed a little of what she is all about. Unfortunately there just weren't enough of those bits for me and way too many of the other ones.

Of course the diamond necklace was the final sweetner and it was somewhat disappointing to find out we would be leaving with only a card giving us all the details for how to register to receive it, rather than with the real thing in our hot, sweaty little hands. Despite myself I am excited to be getting it and I won't be selling it on Ebay even though Big Jay thinks that would be a great idea. I was part of a tiny big moment in popular culture history and my diamond O will remind me of that. When the grandkiddies come to visit me in Shady Pines I'll get it out and say "Did I ever tell you about the day I went to see Oprah?".

The Crazy continues...

In the week following M's dance concert we had my work Christmas party, the next day M had two parties to attend and W had a friend over to play. We then rolled into the week with the school presentation day, followed by the day we left for the Hunter Valley for a weekend away which included A Day on the Green.

These two weeks featured an overlay of extra crazy for me because I was helping to organise the Year 6 Farewell at our school (the traditional job of Year 5 parents). This was an interesting job which included meetings, countless emails, a certain amount of frustration in dealing with the school beaurocracy, many hours spent mucking about with the all important individualised place mats, culminating with a full day of decorating the hired hall for the big night (we had chosen the surprise "HORROR" theme and while I have absolutely no imagination and/or decorating talent in this regard the ladies who were in charge of this job did a mind blowing job and it came together brilliantly).

The day of the Farewell function (and thus the big decorating day) was the Friday we left for the Hunter so it was a matter of working all day at the hall, picking up the kids from school, Big Jay from work and heading straight up to Broke where our accommodation was located. It was just gorgeous to roll up to this dated, though lovely, house surrounded by olive trees and rolling hills, meet our friends and take a breath. I so needed that weekend.

We were there for the Blondie and The Pretenders Day on the Green and it was good, so good. You don't go to the Days on the Green for the sound quality; you go for the atmosphere... the vibe, man. Despite half of Australia being under water Bimbadgen Estate was a haven of perfect outdoor concert weather. Not too hot, not too cold, a light breeze. Perfect.

We camped out in a good spot, spread out our array of snacks and enjoyed a few hours of people watching before the bands. The Pretenders were first and to summarise Chrissie Hynde still has "it"; the original rock chick. I love seeing a woman of advancing years looking like a real woman. She's had a full life and it shows on her face, it's so real and sexy. Not a frozen, plastic face masking reality, erasing history. It was funny to think that the new band members were not even born when I was first listening to Brass In Pocket.

Then Blondie. We saw them a number of years ago at the State Theatre and that was a wonderful, memorable night. This time I have to say they were somewhat "off". Not sure how to put my finger on the problem. The sound just not so good, the timing not right, the vibe a little low. Whatever the issue it was all worth it for the amazing version of David Bowie's Heroes. Wow! Nevertheless I would probably give a limb to hear them do Tear Her To Shreds, a pleasure I will unlikely witness in this lifetime.

[Note to drunk dickheads at outdoor concerts: Please watch out for sleeping children on picnic blankets. They don't tend to like being stepped on. Sleeping children or not, don't step in the middle of people's picnic blankets, if you're not squishing a child you're likely to be squishing a nice piece of brie.]

So where was I? The Monday after A Day on the Green featured the U2 concert for Big Jay (better him than me!). He went early with our friend B and lined up for a special place in the mosh pit resulting in a bunch of great photos (unfortunately they were of U2) like this one:


























That same evening Will was dancing in Dance Fever with all the kids from Years 3, 4, 5 and 6. Dance Fever is a ballroom dancing style competition for primary schools. His school has been involved for the past few years and it is great fun. The kids get to dress up and have a go at some simple dance routines. For the first time Will and his partner made it into the finals of the Cha Cha which was a great thrill for me, not so exciting for him.

Another late night in a string of late nights. The kids were really hitting the wall by now. Luckily the crazy was over for them. But not for me...

Hallway Sex

Feeling silly so found this highly amusing (Number 4 is my personal favourite).

Five types of sex:

1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"

5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

Giggle...

Let's start at the start

I like to think of the official start of the Crazy as the Tuesday night of Marianna's dance concert (but it was probably earlier than that, like the weekend we went to see True West, which was also the weekend of our Christmas adoptive families picnic - which ended up at our house because of rain).

Marianna's dance concert was on a Tuesday night which meant she had to be taken out of school early and delivered backstage to NIDA for three hours of rehearsal prior to the evening's show. Children's dance concerts are a peculiar event. The rehearsal looks like bedlam but somehow the show comes together into something resembling an evening of seemless entertainment.

Little Miss M was in three seperate dances and the finale, which meant three costumes and costume changes. Luckily the parents were only responsible for the first costume and hair and make up, everything else was up to the teachers (who must certainly wonder on concert night whether there are easier ways of making a living, for example bomb disposal expert in Afganistan).

Anyway, the evening was really fun and culminated in Princess Attitude being awarded a trophy, which was lovely. But we didn't get home until after 11 and it was all downhill from there. Late nights and school mornings are not a great combination and from that evening we rolled into two weeks of tired, cranky children and tired, cranky parents. Oh, the joy!

Remember me?

I don't blame you if you don't. I have been a bad, bad little blogger of late.

I am sorry about that and I'm afraid I won't be repenting right now. It's the first day of the school holidays and I'm recovering from a few weeks which have left me seriously dazed and confused (or even more, much more, than usual). The kidlets and I are off to a playdate shortly and I'm trying to shuffle the crap around the living room so it doesn't resemble the set of Stepford and Sons. The aforementioned kidlets are laying in my bed watching the Jerry Lewis version of The Nutty Professor; they too are recovering.

I need to update you on the craziness which has been my life lately and especially about Oprah. So stay tuned, catch up blogs coming up very soon.

In the meantime a little giggle from the Climate Change Fiasco file - Arctic Meltdown?

Human anatomy

Last night when we were driving home from my sister's birthday dinner Will asked me:

"Mum, do ladies have tentacles in their vaginas?"

After I had stopped giggling and removed the mental image from my mind I said: "Do you mean 'testicles'?"

"Oh yeah, that's what I mean - 'testicles'".

"Um, no they don't. But that's a very interesting question."

Things that make you say "hhhmmmm?"

Absent

I have been reluctantly absent from this here blog for the last week or so because my services have been required elsewhere. In other words I've just had too much bloody stuff to do. My brain is full of blogging thoughts but I just haven't had time to sit and actually write.

It's been a long, good and draining week. Right now, as I write on this fine Sunday evening, I am totally exhausted. I won't bore you with the details; some of you have already suffered through them, listening to my whining in person. The rest may have a reprive.

Anyway, the finish line, signified by the end of Term 4, is in sight. There is mostly fun stuff to look forward to now.

Next weekend we are Day on the Green-ing it in the Hunter Valley, where we'll enjoy two nights with our dear friends the G's and Blondie and The Pretenders under the stars on Saturday night. If the rain stays away... and that's a very big IF... it should be a gorgeous weekend.

As I said I have lots of thoughts buzzing around my void-like brain but I'm seriously too tired to write anything meaningful and/or coherent. So I'll just go and watch the freaks on Sixty Minutes... I love a good freak, don't you? I'm talking serious freaks, not the day to day kind.

Life Happens

Driving home yesterday I was listening to an interview with the fantastic Steve Biddulph who mainly writes about raising boys and manhood. He may well be a tree hugging hippie and I may disagree with him in some areas but he generally makes a lot of sense to me on many issues.

Yesterday he was talking about his new book The New Manhood. The thing that jumped out to me the most is he spoke about the five things that are most important to remember in life and how most cultures, at least previous ones, focussed on these when raising children. The four I remember are: 1) People die 2) Bad things happen 3) We can't control things 4) Life is hard.

He talked about how these days we seem to bring up children with beliefs that are totally opposite to these life truths. He is so right.

We are a society and a culture of deniers. We believe that modern medicine can "fix" anything and when it can't we're both surprised and disappointed. We think we can control everything that happens to us and are surprised, frustrated and disappointed when we can't.

I was reading a blog this morning and F was writing about a friend of hers who is dying of cancer at the age of 37, leaving a husband and two small children. A terrible situation. One of the comments was that it's a reminder that we should be vigilant about getting things checked, medically speaking. So true and yet so not. We live in a bubble where everyday we are told that we need to exercise, eat right, meditate, avoid stress, get medical check ups - all to "guarantee" our good health and long term survival. Sure some or all of these things can make for a good quality life; but you know what, sometimes people just die or get sick and then die. And there is almost nothing we can do to prevent it in any real terms.

It's funny how in my family I can't even talk about my wishes for my funeral, including my already created funeral playlist, because I get shushed. Talking about death is bad luck, it's like asking it in. But I don't think that way. We need to talk about death; be aware of it, be comfortable with it, be prepared for it. Death is not a punishment; it's a fact of life. From the moment we are created, nothing more than a fertilised egg splitting into cells, we start our journey towards death. Nothing is more certain. Yet we are more scared of dealing with it than with our parent's sex lives.

It's easier to go with the flow. But I want to make a conscious effort to talk to my children a little more about the realities of life. I don't know how to find the words, but I really want to try. It's not a matter of fitting it into normal daily conversation: "Where's your lunch box? By the way, do you know that mummy is going to die one day and that you are too... what do you think about that?". I can understand why we shy away from life's difficult conversations but I want to find the mental strength to introduce these topics so that my children do not grow up fearing this spectre and that they do not grow up thinking when bad things happen in life that everything will fall apart.

Life is ups and downs, good times and sad times and difficult times. But most people will get through most things, especially if they have family and friends for love and support.

The Outsiders

We watched The Outsiders last night. What an awesome film. A FIVE STAR CLASSIC!

Let's put aside the cast, made up of the who's who of '80s teen heart throbs (though how sweet was Rob Lowe as Sodapop Curtis? almost too pretty to be a boy - did I ever tell you about the time my friend M and I went in the live audience of the midday Ray Martin Show because Rob Lowe was going to be a guest... you know, when he was still sweet, before he came out as a sex addict - my god, he was good enough to eat, literally not figuratively).

Any old how, this movie is above and beyond just the cast, who are wonderful, despite their heart throb status. Seeing a young gorgeous Patrick Swayze made me a little teary.

The simple story, with a simple moral, is beautifully written, acted and directed. Just enough of everything and not too much of anything. These days there is hardly ever just the right amount; it's all either way over the top too much or annoyingly minimalist not enough.

So to end I'll just say, whether you're a greaser or a soc, be kind, be nice, love one another and stay gold.

The Loved Ones

Finally saw The Loved Ones on Saturday night. Just me and Big Jay... in the whole cinema. I'm hoping it's because we went to a 4:15 pm session on a Saturday afternoon and it's kind of a 9:00 pm session sort of film.

I loved it. Really, really loved it. It was just the right balance of horror and humour, with a good script, good acting and just enough gore and horror film dramatic tension. I was flinching and laughing and cheering in almost equal measure which was so satisfying.

Best of all it was just the right length, one and a half hours. Perfect. So many film lately just drag on and on, having little to say, just bloated on their own self importance. No! The Loved Ones says what it wants to say and then it ends.

However, if anything lets it down is the end. The very end. The second last scene is great; I was laughing and cheering. It should have been the end. But then it goes on for one scene too many. The piss weak scene. Sorry but it was.

Unmasked

Last night, Marianna was laying in our bed and we were both dozing off after a fun but tiring weekend. Suddenly she said to me "mum, you are like a pretend human". I was so stunned I had to ask her to repeat what she'd said. Then I just stared at her in amazement. She couldn't explain herself when I asked what she meant.

How does she know I'm just pretending to be a human? The scientists on my planet assured me this human disguise was 100% natural and would never be detected. Fools.

It's sort of funny but somehow too close to the bone.

Under the weather

Isn't that a funny saying? But so apt today. I'm feeling unwell, a yucky head cold which means my nose is running like a tap, my throat is aching and my head is throbing.

Last night we were literally under the weather as we watched, and listened to, the most magnificent storm roll over Sydney. Is anything nicer than being cosy inside your home, your children sleeping in their warm beds, while a huge, loud storm plays out in all it's glory outside your windows and above your head? Bliss.

It's been a big week and weekend, probably the biggest of the year in terms of physical workload. I enjoyed it but I'm glad it's over.

Saturday was my dad's 70th birthday party which we held at our home. Just a small get together (dad's not the most social person on earth), finger food and drinks on our deck. This involved lots of shopping and cleaning (may I take a moment to thank my wonderful hubby Big Jay who rolls up his sleeves and helps out big time during these stressful times when I'm running around like a headless chicken on crack) and a great day of food preparation with my MIL, my sister J and her friend R (who had flown in from Ireland only two days before). There's something gorgeous and old school (damn you Cake Boss, I can't get that phrase out of my mind!) about a group of women hanging out in the kitchen, preparing food, talking, laughing.

Sunday was the kids' school fete which was bigger and better than ever after being cancelled last year because of the BER (may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits JGill). I was in charge of the cupcake and gingerbread man decorating stall and because I had only ever seen it done once (at a chocolate festival I attended in Melbourne last year) and because I had no idea how many kids we would get through I over ordered big time and spent lots of time worrying about whether we'd have enough icing, smarties, serviettes...

The day was fun and my kids certainly had a ball but our stall was on the quiet side and we had lots and lots of uniced cupcakes and gingerbread people leftover. So after getting home absolutely exhausted on Sunday evening I sat up and iced about 50 cupcakes to take to the canteen on Monday (those cupcakes might as well get used up and I have never met a kid who doesn't love a cupcake). At least I got to watch the last two episodes of True Blood while I was icing away and all I can say is Alan Ball you are a wicked man, why do you keep us hanging like this at the end of each season.

I barely got any sleep on Sunday night, having gone to bed very late (I couldn't stop myself watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, which was rather interesting reality tv) and then woke up on Monday with this head cold. Took a lot of effort to get through the day at work without collapsing face first onto my keyboard.

Then last night Marianna and I decorated about 50 or so gingerbread folk to take to the canteen today... And then, because a martyr's work is never done, I sat up and finished cutting out, addressing and packaging up the invitations for the Year 6 farewell (which I am co-ordinating, being a Year 5 class mum this year).

I have woken up this morning feeling like someone has used my head for a ball during a particularly energetic AFL grand final. I suspect I'm in the final half of my 48 hour cold but I'm not at my best and would give almost anything to get back into bed with my Kindle and finish The Mermaids Singing which strangely seems to be a book I can't quite get into.

Despite all that whining I do feel a great sense of achievement and also relief. I am definitely on the downward slide of the work mountain which builds up at this time of the year. While there is still lots to do between now and the big day on the non-denominational festive season calendar a huge part of the pressure has now lifted.

So onwards we march... my personal little reward is going to be seeing The Loved Ones next Saturday. What an awesome little horror movie that is promising to be. This blog is about nothing if not about tangents.

This funny feeling

It feels strange not to have to write every day. It was certainly a challenge to write something each day for Rocktober (though I did cheat once or twice by writing more than one installment on a single day). I enjoyed it but it did weigh on my mind and at times I would go blank, not being able think of a single song worth writing about. Other days I would be driving along (driving seems to be the time I am most able to think) when 10 great songs would pop into my mind.

This is the time of the year - late October/early November - when I feel like I'm being sucked into the path of an oncoming freight train. There is so much going on with school commitments (being a class mum I'm involved with the school fete and the year 6 farewell function plus there are the events which must be attended like Dance Fever and the school presentation day), work end of year stuff (like organising the Christmas party and ordering gifts for clients and staff), general kid stuff (like Marianna's dance concert which involves three rehearsals in three completely different parts of Sydney) plus assorted birthday parties, general social stuff like Christmas parties and other end of year catch ups and general social events which just happen to fall during this time of year. Don't get me wrong I love the social stuff and I love being busy but this is definitely what I call too much of a good thing. With so much going on I barely have time to draw a breath and I am always thinking about the next thing which means I am hardly ever "in the moment" enjoying the thing I'm doing right now.

It's all feast or famine in life, isn't it? When I visit my grandmother in Shady Pines I see all the very elderly folk who have nothing but time now. Their lack of physical health means they can no longer do the things they used to do so they fill up their days around the home playing cards, reading, chatting, sitting. To someone like me who is always rushing through, spending half an hour visiting before running off onto the next errand, this seems blissful. What I wouldn't do to have an hour to sit in their lovely garden with a book and a cup of tea. We each look at each other jealously in some ways, wishing for a little of what the other has.

I try, and generally fail, to each day appreciate and enjoy what I have and what I'm doing right now. My pace, and stage, of life means I hurtle through each day, manically getting my tasks done (mostly without any real joy, simply because there just isn't the time to enjoy any emotion except frustration because nothing is ever done fast enough) and the little spare time I have is usually spent daydreaming about my long lost (at the time not appreciated) youth or planning for some event in the future.

But when I do have a moment like this one, when the children and I have had a lovely morning with no-one yelling or complaining (it's still early though), the pre-work morning tasks are mostly done and I'm typing this while the kids get a short burst of The Goodies, I take a breath and think how very lucky I am at this moment... and I savour this beautiful funny feeling.

Rocktober Day Thirty One: Deep Kick

I started my blog over five years ago with an entry about why I was going to call it The Adventures of Deep Kick Girl. Deep Kick is a Red Hot Chili Peppers' song from the album most fans seem to hate but which I love, One Hot Minute.

The song itself is a little hard to listen to; sort of a rambling monologue and not really their style at all. In a nutshell it's the story of Anthony and Flea and their teenage years as best friends, hanging out, having adventures, getting into trouble.

It's a personal song but one which I can relate to so much. For me the extra special bonus with this song is Flea singing the last verse in his broken little voice (fantastic musician, not so good with the singing).

It's not a song I rush off to listen to very often but just knowing it exists in the world is enough for me.

Deep Kick (live version from YouTube; it was never a single so there was never a proper film clip and I also don't imagine they would do it live much, these days they never do songs from One Hot Minute because I understand John refuses to play Dave's songs - SOB!)

It started when we were little kids.
Free spirits, but already tormented by our own hands
given to us by our parents.
We got together and wrote on desks
and slept in laundry rooms near snowy mountains
and slipped through whatever cracks we could find,
minds altered, we didn't falter
in portraving hysterical and tragic characters in a smog filled universe.
we loved the dirty city
and the journeys away from it.
We had not yet been or seen our friends, selves,
chase tails round and round in downward spirals,
leaving trail of irretrievable, vital life juice behind.
Still, the brothersbloodcomradespartnerfamilycuzz was impenetrable
and we lived inside it
laughing with no clothes, and everything experimental 'till death was upon us.
In our face, mortality.
And lots of things seemed futile then, but love and music can save us,
and did, while the giant grey monster grew
more poisoned and volatile around us,
jaws clamping down and spewing ugly shit around.
Nothing is the same.
So we keep moving.
We keep moving.

(Ooooooooooooh Shit! Ooooooooooooh Shit!)

Went off and got some hair cuts
Lookin wild and got all drugged up
Hopped a train into the night
Got a ride with a transvestite
Two boys in San Francisco
Two boys in San Francisco
Blasted off in a Bart bathroom
Those coppers woke us up
The mothersfuckers woke us up

Two young brothers on a hovercraft
Telepathic love and belly laughs

Storm the stage of Universal
Slim shine talk boy go subversal
Papa's proud and so he sent us
Pounding hearts full and relentless
Two boys in London, England
Two boys in London, England
Climbing out of hostel windows
Wearing gear so out but in though
Come on kid and do the no no

Two young brothers on a hovercraft
Telepathic love and belly laughs

(Oooooooooooh Shit! Ooooooooooooh Shit!)

We went to Fairfax High School
Jumped off buildings into their pools
We'd sit down and grease at Canters
Run like hell they can't catch us
Two boys in L.A. proper
Two boys in L.A. proper
Stealin' anything that we could
Gotta sneak into the Starwood
Gotta peak into the deep good

I remember...
10 years ago in Hollywood
We did some good
and we did some real bad stuff
but the Butthole Surfers said
It's better to regret something you did
Than something you didn't do
We were young
And we were looking
looki-i-ing
looking for that deep kick...
Seen 'em come, seen 'em go...

(And I feel I'm getting close to you)

And with that I bid goodbye to Rocktober. That was fun but now I need a Bex and a good lay down.

Rocktober Day Thirty: Cleaning Windows

In 1991, not long after the first gulf war started, my first husband Colin left me for my best friend's husband's much younger half sister who he had met for the first time at their wedding. [This is not a plot line from The Bold and The Beautiful.] I had just started working for my dad's new company and our office was in Ultimo, just near the Powerhouse Museum. There was no parking nearby, so I would park blocks away, under the overpass and it was a good walk through the back streets to the office and back.

Not long after I had a brief, though intense and, in hindsight, totally weird relationship with the graphic designer who was sub-leasing part of our office space.

I was angry, sad, spaced out and in a very strange mental space.

Why do you need to know all this? Not sure, really. But a very strong memory I have of that surreal time was listening to the Best of Van Morrison in the car every afternoon. It's a wonder I didn't wear out that CD.

It suited my mood at the time and when I hear any of those songs now it immediately takes me back to that time.

I don't know why I love this song, except that it has such an uplifting tune and sentiment... but I just do.

Cleaning Windows (live clip from YouTube - he's not so great live I have heard)

Oh, the smell of the bakery from across the street
Got in my nose
As we carried our ladders down the street
With the wrought-iron rows
I went home and listened to Jimmy Rodgers in my lunch-break
Bought five Woodbines at the shop on the corner
And went straight back to work

Oh, Sam was up on top
And I was on the bottom with the v
We went for lemonade and Paris buns
At the shop and broke for tea
I collected from the lady
And I cleaned the fanlight inside-out

I was blowing saxophone on the weekend
In that down joint.What's my line?
I'm happy cleaning windows
Take my time
I'll see you when my love grows
Baby don't let it slide
I'm a working man in my prime
Cleaning windows (number thirty-six).

I heard Leadbelly and Blind Lemon
On the street where I was born
Sonny Terry, Brownie McGhee, Muddy Waters sing "I'm a Rolling Stone"
I went home and read my Christmas Humphreys' book on Zen
Curiosity killed the cat
Kerouac's "Dharma Bums" and "On The Road".

What's my line?
I'm happy cleaning windows
Take my time
I'll see you when my love grows
Baby don't let it slide
I'm a working man in my prime
Cleaning windows ...

Rocktober Day Twenty Nine: You Don't Know Me

How can you go wrong when you put together Ben Folds AND Regina Spektor. Musical heaven.

This song is not what I was expecting. It's an angry little song but I love it. I love walking to it; it really puts an extra bounce in my step.

The great tune masks some rather savage lyrics. I just love it.

And who hasn't had that moment in a relationship when something is said and you look at your loved one and think "you don't know me... at all".

Writing about Ben Folds makes me realise I've forgotten to download the album he made with Nick Hornby - another marriage of two wonderful talents. Must get onto that tomorrow.

You Don't Know Me (cute live version from YouTube)

I wanna ask you -
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me)
Any face that you wanted me
To be seen.
We're
Damned by the existential moment where
We saw the couple in the coma and
It was we were the cliché,
But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)
So easily led astray,
An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
Why the f**k would you want me back?!

Maybe it's because

(You don't know me at all)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

(You don't know me,
you don't know me.)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

So, what I'm trying to say is
What (What?)
I'm trying to tell you
It's not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause I know you'll only change it.
(Say it.)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

What?

(Mmmm, ohh oh
Ah ah ah ah ah
Aha ah ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Aha ah
Ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh oh ohh)

Rocktober Day Twenty Eight: I Wanna Be Sedated

In 1981 my world was well and truly rocked by a little movie called Times Square. Tim Curry was the main attraction for me, having my love and dedication as Frank'n'Furter in Rocky Horror. But it was the story of two girls, one "good", one "bad", and their crazy friendship and adventures which stole my heart for ever. Not to mention the two young actresses, Trini Alvarado and Robin Johnson as Pamela and Nicky.

The soundtrack was a classic, including the awesome Pissing in the River by the Patti Smth Band, Life During Wartime by Talking Heads and Down in the Park by Gary Numan. Truly the soundtrack of the 80s.

But the most fun song, the song I think of when I think of this movie is this one. What a strange band The Ramones were. So unmusical, so bland (in a way), so many problems. So unlikely to be more than a garage band no-one ever heard of.

I Wanna Be Sedated (the original clip from YouTube, can you spot a young Courtney Love?)

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no oh oh oh oh

Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated

Woops!

Sorry about that. Life just sucked me away from blogging for a few days there.

Started with a class performance Will was participating in which meant we didn't get home to bed until 11:30 pm on Thursday night (after a much earlier than normal start to the day... which included me helping at the uniform shop during the orientation day for the new Kindy 2011 families at our school). There's a blog entry on school performances coming up.

Friday night we caught up for dinner with friends we hadn't seen for a little while (howdy, M, C and I). That, again, ended being a late night after the "system" ate out dinner order and we ended up actually eating much later than expected.

Saturday we ran around like lunatics getting organised so we could drop the kids at mum's place and then head up the Central Coast for a wedding. I may do a seperate rant about weddings soon. The most important point to make is we stayed the night at The Beachcomber Motel in Toukely and it was absolutely AWFUL. The room was very run down and smelly and to top things off the bogans from the nightclub kept me up most of the night yelling and swearing on the street outside our window. Oh joy!

This morning we rushed home (not that I was sleeping anyway) so that I could take Marianna to a Halloween party at a classmate's house (wow! what a party... some people know how to do things right... some may say OTT, but I wouldn't).

Have spent the last couple of hours by the pool with the kids, reading the Sunday paper and trying to unwind a little. I'm super tired and I know that as soon as dinner is done and the kids are in bed I'm going to hit the wall, hard.

For now, let's catch up on Rocktober... Resuming normal transmission in 10, 9, 8...

Rocktober Day Twenty Seven: Anchorage

I can't believe I almost overlooked one of my all time, hands down favourite songs, ever.

One of the problems with human psychology (at least my human psychology) is that we are always looking back or looking forward, it's difficult to focus on the present, I guess because being in the present we are always kind of dealing with it right now.

Looking back on life tends to be done through rose tinted nostalgia glasses. Everything was better way back when. I have a few girlsfriends who date back to my wilder days and there's nothing better than letting our minds float back to those good ol' days and remember who we were before we became what we are.

This song is about that for me. Looking back on a life of freedom and innocence, to a special time between friends. About moving on from friends but always having them in your heart. It makes my skin tingle from the very first note and that last line "Leroy says keep on rocking girl..." just makes me want to cry and cry and not ever stop.

This is a comment I saw when I found this song on YouTube. It really sums up my feelings too.

"This song is amazing. Every time I listen to it, it takes me to somewhere I don't even know, but it's somewhere I want to be."

Thank you, Michelle Shocked, for something very special.

Anchorage (original sweet clip from YouTube)

I took time out to write to my old friend
I walked across that burning bridge
I mailed my letter off to Dallas but her reply came from
Anchorage, Alaska

She said, Hey girl it's about time you wrote
It's been over two years, my old friend
Take me back to the days of the foreign telegrams
And the all night rock and rolling
Hey Chel we was wild then

Hey Chel you know it's kinda funny
Texas always seems so big
But you know you're in the largest state in the Union
When you're anchored down in Anchorage

Hey girl I think the last time I saw you
Was on me and Leroy's wedding day
What was the name of that love song you played?
I forgot how it goes
I don't recall how it goes

Anchorage
Anchored down in Anchorage

Leroy got a better job so we moved
Kevin lost a tooth, he's started school
I've got a brand new eight month old baby girl
I sound like a housewife
Hey Chel, I think I'm a housewife

Hey girl what's it like to be in New York?
New York City, imagine that
What's it like to be a skateboard punk rocker?
Leroy says send a picture
Leroy says hello
Leroy says keep on rocking, girl
Keep on rocking

Rocktober Day Twenty Six: Paradise By The Dashboard Light

Meatloaf may be a bit of a musical joke in some circles but I love him and I love the Bat Out Of Hell album. For my money this is theatrical rock & roll at it's best. Big music, big voices, big lyrics, showy, brassy, dramatic... just a shitload of fun really.

This is the song I never get sick of. This is the progression of a romance put better than I ever could: hot lust (say anything, promise anything) followed by disdain (who is this person and how have I ended up here?).

Just like with The Blair Witch Project, it's all about the last bit. That last verse just pulls everything together and gives me that "aaaahhh" moment.

Paradise By The Dashboard Light (I found this version of Meatloaf and Megan Mullally - that's Karen from Will and Grace - singing it live on her show and just couldn't resist - I love her!)

I. Paradise

Boy:
I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Parking by the lake
And there was not another car in sight
And I never had a girl
Looking any better than you did
And all the kids at school
They were wishing they were me that night

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C'mon! Hold on tight!
C'mon! Hold on tight!

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light

Girl:
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed

Ain't no doubt about it
Baby got to go and shout it
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed

Boy:
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed

Baby doncha hear my heart
You got it drowning out the radio
I've been waiting so long
For you to come along and have some fun

And I gotta let ya know
No you're never gonna regret it
So open up your eyes I got a big surprise
It'll feel all right
Well I wanna make your motor run

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C'mon! Hold on tight!
C'mon! Hold on tight!

Though it's cold and lonley in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Paradise by the dashboard light

You got to do what you can
And let Mother Nature do the rest
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely--

We're gonna go all the way tonight
We're gonna go allt he way
An tonight's the night...

Radio Broadcast:
Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker
going here, two down, nobody on, no score,
bottom of the ninth, there's the wind-up and
there it is, a line shot up the middle, look
at him go. This boy can really fly!
He's rounding first and really turning it on
now, he's not letting up at all, he's gonna
try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center,
and here comes the throw, and what a throw!
He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out!
No, wait, safe--safe at second base, this kid really
makes things happen out there.
Batter steps up to the plate, here's the pitch--
he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying
for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt--
safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base!
He's taking a pretty big lead out there, almost
daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher
glance over, winds up, and it's bunted, bunted
down the third base line, the suicide squeeze in on!
Here he comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close,
here's the throw, there's the play at the plate,
holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!

II. Let Me Sleep On It

Girl:
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further--!

Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
Do you love me!?
Will you love me forever!?
Do you need me!?
Will you never leave me!?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life!?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife!?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me!!!?
Will you love me forever!!!?

Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning

Girl:
I gotta know right now!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
And will you love me forever?

Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning
Let me sleep on it!!!

Girl: Will you love me forever?

Boy: Let me sleep on it!!!

Girl: Will you love me forever!!!

III. Praying for the End of Time

Boy:
I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

Boy:
It was long ago and it was far away
and it was so much better than it is today

Girl:
It never felt so good
It never felt so right
And we were glowing like
A metal on the edge of a knife

Rocktober Day Twenty Five: Anarchy In The UK

Maybe it's because it's Monday morning and I'm tired and grumpy (should stop staying up on Sunday nights when I'm already over tired catching up on True Blood episodes, which get me over excited and stop me sleeping almost the whole night). But probably it's just because this song popped into my brain yesterday when I was thinking about how to fill up this final week of Rocktober. The Sex Pistols, but of course!

Either way this song is fantastic for anger management. This is the most snarling, sneering, angry song I can think of and it played a big part of my musical soundtrack around the age of 14, circa 1982... when I spent a lot of time both sneering and being angry. That's when I thought anarchy would be a great thing... not so much the end of social constraints and society as we know it but just the mechanism by which I wouldn't have to do what my mum and dad told me (i.e. stay up late and go out whenever I wanted). I probably should have taken a moment to look up the word in the dictionary.

The Great Rock'n'Roll Swindle is a fantabulous album and just thinking about it makes me want to find it on iTunes (so not 1979 punk) and download it immediately. It's just a great rollicking good time collection of music. From the Python-esque Who Killed Bambi? and You Need Hands to the sing-a-long, rock and roll fun of C'mon Everybody and Something Else this album is non stop fun.

Anarchy In The UK (live version from YouTube)

Right! NOW! ha ha ha ha ha

I am an anti-christ
I am an anarchist
Don't know what I want but
I know how to get it
I wanna destroy the passer by cos I

I wanna BE anarchy!
No dogs body!

Anarchy for the UK it's coming sometime and maybe
I give a wrong time stop a traffic line
your future dream is a shopping scheme

cos I, I wanna BE anarchy!
In the city

How many ways to get what you want
I use the best I use the rest
I use the enemy
I use anarchy cos I

I wanna BE anarchy!
THE ONLY WAY TO BE!

Is this the M.P.L.A
Or is this the U.D.A
Or is this the I.R.A
I thought it was the UK or just
another country
another council tenancy

I wanna be anarchy
and I wanna be anarchy
Know what I mean
And I wanna be anarchist!
Get PISSED DESTROY !

Rocktober Day Twenty Four: Laid

You would think I had sex on the brain... which I do and I don't. Music and sex, you know, they just go together.

This morning I was really drawing a blank on what to write about. So I trawled the void I call my brain and started thinking about the music I love when it unexpectedly comes on the radio or on the iPod when I have shuffle on. The song I've forgotten about until there it is... and then, instant joy.

This song is definitely in that category. I don't know who James are or is. I don't know any of their/his other songs. I just know this song is super fun to sing along to and I love that rolling drum bit.

Laid (recent live version from YouTube, who knew they were still around and touring)

This bed is on fire
With passionate love
The neighbours complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she’s on top

My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you’re like a disease without any cure
She said I’m so obsessed that I’m becoming a bore, oh no
Ah, you think you’re so pretty

Caught your hand inside the till
Slammed your fingers in the door
Fought with kitchen knives and skewers
Dressed me up in womens clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Dye my eyes and call me pretty

Moved out of the house, so you moved next door
I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall
I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone
You’re driving me crazy, when are you coming home

Rocktober Day Twenty Three: You Are My Sister

Right now I'm thinking about my sister who is due back from New York on Monday (this long long long distance romance stuff is hard work). Which made me think of this song and made me realise that it is terribly remiss of me to leave poor Antony and The Johnsons until day twenty three when they are so very important to me.

As you probably know I found Antony at the Came So Far For Beauty concert at the Sydney Opera House in January 2005. It was a tribute concert for Leonard Cohen songs and there was an assortment of musicians performing. Some I knew, many I didn't.

Antony lumbered onto the stage, a huge man, all long black hair and stretched out old jumper; looking like someone's oversized four year old brother. Not for a moment did I expect the voice of a fallen angel to emerge from that shape.

When I left the concert hall that night I was in shock. I needed to find out about Antony Hegarty immediately if not sooner. When I couldn't get into his booked out solo show at a small nightclub in Newtown a few days later I literally sat in my car and sobbed.

A few weeks later I received his I Am A Bird Now CD (import, not available in Australia) and I could not get enough. For a while it was on constant rotation in the car. Now I don't listen that often; the feelings his voice brings out in me are too painful. Avoidance and denial, try them, you'll like them.

Anyway, this song is too beautiful for anyone who has a sister (or any sibling or really a wonderful friend) who has been there for them. For a giant homosexual, androgynous boy growing up must have been tough in New York City and I imagine these words for his sister are a tribute to the love and support she showed him through the difficult years.

The addition of Boy George's beautiful backing vocals are an extra treat.

You Are My Sister (Antony and the Johnsons live on Letterman)

You are my sister, we were born
So innocent, so full of need
There were times we were friends but times I was so cruel
Each night I'd ask for you to watch me as I sleep
I was so afraid of the night
You seemed to move through the places that I feared
You lived inside my world so softly
Protected only by the kindness of your nature

You are my sister
And I love you
May all of your dreams come true

We felt so differently then
So similar over the years
The way we laugh the way we experience pain
So many memories
But theres nothing left to gain from remembering
Faces and worlds that no one else will ever know

You are my sister
And I love you
May all of your dreams come true
I want this for you
They're gonna come true (gonna come true)

Rocktober Day Twenty Two: We Are All In This Together

It's Friday, it's been a long week, I'm tired. So I needed something easy and cheerful. This song never fails to perk me up.

I've written about Ben Lee before. You all know the story... how he went to school with my sister (they danced together at a school dance), how he's married to Ione Skye (who was making Say Anything with John Cusack while living with Anthony Keidis [when Ben Lee would have been about 10 years old]).... which makes my six degrees of seperation... well, blah blah. I got into Ben's music almost against my better judgement but I once I started listening I was hooked.

So on the one hand this song is a little cheesy but it's optimistic and has a wonderful life and world sentiment that I just love. Sometimes a little cheesy is not a bad thing.

There are other songs of his that I like more (Boy With A Barbie being a recent favourite) but this song says everything about Ben's music. A perfect song to end the week.

We Are All In This Together (I'm pretty sure this is not the "official" clip and they seem to have chopped off the last bit but I can't seem to find anything better on YouTube or even on Ben's website - sorry!)

I woke up this morning
I suddenly realised
We're all in this together
I started smiling
'Cause you were smiling
And we're all in this together
I'm made of atoms
You're made of atoms
And we're all in this together.
And long division just doesn't matter
'Cause we're all in this together...yeah

I saw you walking
In the city
We're all in this together
The city's changing
cause we are changing
and we're all in this together
every 12 seconds
someone remembers
that we're all in this together
In the kitchen of your rent control apartment
we're all in this together

come on baby i don't mean to rush you
I only wanted to reach out and touch you
I've got to start to open my heart

I know you think about jumping ship before it sinks
but we are all in this together
ask a scientist
it's quantum physics
we are all in this together
and on the subway we feel like strangers
but we're all in this together
yeah i love you and you love her and she loves him
But we're all in this together

You know baby there's never been protection
and all the history of human connection
come on darling its alright to show me
you dont ever need to be lonely
once you start to open your heart

I saw you crying
I started crying
cause we're all in this together
and then religion is a big decision
but we're all in this together

Rocktober Day Twenty One: One In Ten

Thinking about ska music yesterday brought me to UB40. I don't have a lot to say about them except they are great to see live, Ali Campbell has a gorgeous voice and that this song symbolises where they started off (and how far away from that point they are now).

It's not that I don't like their lovey dovey stuff. I do. The Labour of Love stuff is fine but this is where their heart is (or was). This song says it all about the really sad stuff of life, the stuff that's too hard to talk about day to day. It's a great bit of effective songwriting... and a lovely, simple reggae tune... and of course we get Ali's voice.

One In Ten (YouTube clip from Top of the Pops, 1981)

I am the one in ten
A number on a list
I am the one in ten
Even though I don`t exist
Nobody knows me
Even though I`m always there
A statistic, a reminder
Of a world that doesn`t care

My arms enfold the dole queue
Malnutrition dulls my hair
My eyes are black and lifeless
With an underprivileged stare
I`m the beggar on the corner
Will no-one spare a dime?
I`m the child that never learns to read
`Cause no-one spared the time

I`m the murderer and the victim
The licence with the gun
I`m a sad and bruised old lady
In an ally in a slum
I`m a middle aged businessman
With chronic heart disease
I`m another teenaged suicide
In a street that has no trees

I`m a starving third world mother
A refugee without a home
I`m a house wife hooked on Valium
I`m a Pensioner alone
I`m a cancer ridden spectre
Covering the earth
I`m another hungry baby
I`m an accident of birth

Rocktober Day Twenty: Australian 80s Ska

OK. So I've broken the pattern somewhat but the song I wanted to write about Grey Skies by Australian band Strange Tenants just can't be found on YouTube and the lyrics are nowhere to be found either. I know I have the original albums, possibly with lyrics, in the deep depths of my garage but I don't have the time or inclination to find them.

Any old how, when I started looking around for this song on the www I came across some other stuff which took me hurtling back to the mid 80s when I was a Rude Girl and ska was my life. In particular Strange Tenants were my life. They were a ska band from Melbourne and they toured non-stop, I believe someone called them "the hardest working band in the country".

When they played in Sydney we would go to every show, sometimes two in one night. We would start off in the suburbs somewhere, Gladesville or Caringbah (they often played that old shed, the Caringbah Inn) and would end up at the old Manzil Room in Kings Cross for a 1 or 2 am gig. My god, we had stamina in those days. Worked all day, then headed out for drinks, two gigs, dancing through each gig, stumble home (well, to someone's home) at 4 am, up again at 7 am for another day at work. All at the ripe old age of 16. Who was that person that I used to be?

The thing I remember about Grey Skies is the line "Grey skies over Collingwood"... what an evocative line that was for a Sydney girl with little idea of what Collingwood was. I was rebelling against my safe middle class world and battle weary Collingwood seemed exotic and scary and wonderful.

I didn't find Grey Skies but I did find another great song of theirs Hard Times on YouTube and then I found My Dad by No Nonsense (another of my faves from those days). So while I can't show you the lyrics for either song, I can take you on a little musical journey back in time to what made me tick circa 1984/5. The clips are old and grainy and don't translate well to digital technology but I hope you enjoy.

Rocktober Day Nineteen: Sydney From A 727*

* It was originally 727 but was upgraded to a 747 at some point.

I love Sydney. It's no secret. Possibly I love it more than my own family. My city is part of my family. Part of the reason I could never consider living in any other city in the world (though I'm heavily in lust with London and prepared to be so with New York, I know that those relationships would only ever be shallow and superficial). It's the real thing with Sydney and me.

Like Anthony singing about Los Angeles in Under The Bridge I feel that Sydney is "my companion" and "she knows who I am". Sydney is me and I am Sydney.

Writing about The Whitlams yesterday made me think of great Australian songwriters and of course the wonderful Paul Kelly came to mind... and when I think of Paul Kelly I think of this song. It makes my heart soar and swell. There is nothing like flying home into Sydney, especially at night, especially when I've been away a while. I always get homesick for my city, no matter what fabulous place I've been, and I always get happy/emotional when I see her twinkling below me. This song is the feeling of Sydney.

Sydney From A 727 (747 in this great version from the Tamworth Country Music Festival)

Sydney shines such a beautiful light
And I can see Bondi through my window way off to the right
And the curling waves on a distant break
And the sleeping city just about to wake
Have you ever seen Sydney from a 727 at night?

Now the red roofs are catching the first rays of the morning sun
My eyes are full of sand from my midnight run
And the captain says belt up now we'll be touching down in ten
So I press my seat and I straighten up
I fold my tray and I stash my cup
As the red roofs are catching the first rays of the morning sun

Have you ever fallen for a girl with different coloured eyes?
And sent her letters full of lies
Have you ever longed to see the sun fall where it used to rise?
And quit your job on the spot
Bought that ticket yeah spent the lot
Have you ever fallen for a girl with different coloured eyes?

Have you ever seen Sydney from a 727 at night?
Have you ever seen Sydney from a 727 at night?
Have you ever seen Sydney from a 727 at night?
Me I've never seen Dallas from a DC9

My Anything Goes Muffins

Here's the recipe for my "Anything Goes" Muffins. This started as a proper muffin recipe I found in a magazine but over the years I have discovered that I can change or substitute the ingredients and still end up with a yummy muffin. The good thing is that as long as you stick to the basic quantities of wet and dry ingredients you can use up many different leftover fruits and dairy sitting around in your kitchen. Give it a try and let me know what you like or don't like about it.

Ingredients

1 egg (large and free range, preferrably)

1 cup yoghurt (plain - I like to use Greek yoghurt for a nice tangy result - or fruit yoghurt or custard or buttermilk – whatever you have sitting around in the fridge)

1/3 cup oil (I use sunflower but you can use rice bran or vegetable or light olive oil –just don’t use full bodied olive oil as it’s too strong)

1 cup mashed bananas (about 2 ripe bananas) or grated pear or apple or carrots or berries of some kind (fresh or frozen) - be creative almost any fruit can be mashed, grated or finely chopped

Optional: some grated lemon or orange zest for extra zing and/or ½ cup of white or milk chocolate bits and/or some chopped nuts (pecans or walnuts or almonds - extra good if you toast them in the oven for a few minutes first, nice and crunchy) and/or craisins and/or sultanas - almost anything you like

1 ¾ cup self raising flour (or 1 ¼ cups s/r flour and ½ cup almond meal for something a little different)

¾ cup caster sugar (or fine brown sugar if you prefer)

Method

Preheat oven to 180 degrees if not fan forced or 170/175 degrees if fan forced - nice moderate oven, not too hot.

Beat the egg lightly in a big bowl. Add yoghurt and oil and mix with a fork. Add fruit and mix.

Sift flour and sugar over the wet ingredients and mix with a fork until just combined. You’ll get a thick batter. Make sure it’s evenly mixed throughout (no leftover dry flour on the bottom) but don't over mix.

Spoon into a 12 regular cup muffin tin or 24 cup mini muffin tin (I like to use paper muffin cases so that the tin stays clean). I like to add a whole almond or pecan to the top of each muffin, but that's up to you. Bake for about 20-30 minutes. Keep an eye on them after 20 minutes. You just want golden brown on top. It depends on your oven how quickly they cook and brown. If using mini muffin tin possibly only 15-18 minutes might do the job.

Enjoy and let me know if you give it a try. They keep reasonably well - still good after 2 or 3 days, just microwave fro 20 seconds if they start getting stale.

Rocktober Day Eighteen: Buy Now, Pay Later

There was a time in 1997/8 when The Whitlam's Eternal Nightcap did not come out of my car CD player, not for weeks or possibly months on end. I could listen from start to finish and then start all over again.

Their big hit at the time was No Aphrodisiac (Like Lonliness) and while that song was HUGE and also beautiful and totally wonderful, it was the gorgeous, funny, sweet I Make Hamburgers from an earlier album which made me fall in love with Tim Freedman and this band in the first place.

Like all their songs, Buy Now, Pay Later is personal storytelling, a small song with big feelings.

Buy Now, Pay Later (Tim Freedman live at The Basement in Sydney)

Charlie you're not my Charlie anymore
You're screwing it up
You're killing your soul with an audience looking on
If I hadn't left early last night
I would have made a speech to you
How you're not the only one you're going to hurt

If you don't believe me I don't believe in you
If you don't believe me I don't believe in you

Makes it all feel better does it?
Makes you feel like heaven does it?
You loved it and you spent accordingly

You can't afford it now
You'll try and you'll fail
And love it like a little dog
And feed it on the scraps you find
And kiss it while you're still asleep
You buy now and pay later

So where's the problem you can ask if you keep your head up
But the road is long and you're falling asleep at the wheel
There's a girl going crazy about you and I'm not far behind
Can you care about your friends anymore?
You buy now and pay later

Wishful Thinking

I spend more time than is probably healthy daydreaming about being a pastrychef at Charm City Cakes (as seen on Ace of Cakes). It would be so amazingly fun and cool to hang out with Duff and Mary Alice and strange Geof and the rest of the gang. We would make the most wonderful, creative cakes and there would be non-stop hilarious banter. It's sort of my running away to the circus daydream.

What they would make of a weird, 42 year old with no abilities whatsoever in the pastrycooking department turning up on their doorstep wanting an apprenticeship?

Rocktober Day Seventeen: El Scorcho

And now for something completely different. Weezer are not the sort of band I should probably like. You know, they're a young people's band, or at least they were. I don't know why I love this song, I just do.

It's funny and silly and adolescent but I love everything about it. Just the thought of singing along to it, driving on a sunny day, is enough to make me instantly happy.

Not much else to say about it. Enjoy... or not.

El Scorcho (official clip from YouTube)

Goddamn you half-Japanese girls
Do it to me every time
Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello
And I'm jello, baby
You won't talk, won't look, won't think of me
I'm the epitome of Public Enemy
Why you wanna go and do me like that?
Come on down to the street and dance with me

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you never heard of them
How cool is that?
So I went to your room and read your diary:
"Watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack through a press table..."
And then my heart stopped: "Listening to Cio-Cio San
Fall in love all over again."

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

How stupid is it? I can't talk about it
I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart
How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute
Just come up to me and say hello to my heart
How stupid is it?
For all I know you want me too
And maybe you just don't know what to do
Or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"

I wish I could get my head out of the sand
'Cause I think we'd make a good team
And you would keep my fingernails clean
But that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize
'Cause I can't even look in your eyes
Without shakin', and I ain't fakin'
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

I'm a lot like you.
I'm a lot, and I'm waitin.
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

Rocktober Day Sixteen: Closer

OK, let's get a little raunchy here, a bit X-rated. This song blew my tiny mind when I came across it in 1994. I had never heard of Nine Inch Nails or Trent Reznor and to be honest, they don't really float my boat - apart from this one magnificent song.

This isn't deep and meaningful (well, it is for me), this is just hot and sweaty and wrong and good. Barry White's croonings may do it for some but from the first dark beat of this song I'm good to go.

I've occasionally heard the "edited/censored" version of this and it's hilarious. Why bother really? This song is what it is and if people don't like it, don't listen. This isn't commercial radio fodder.

Anyway, you have been warned. If you're not into explicit lyrics don't read any further or watch the clip.

Closer (you have to have a YouTube account and be over 18 to watch this weird, explicit clip - not a clip I like at all actually, a bit too bad David Lynch, even for me)

You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

Help me I broke apart my insides
Help me I’ve got no soul to sell
Help me the only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything

Help me tear down my reason
Help me it's your sex I can smell
Help me you make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

Movie Review: Summer Coda

I won these preview tickets knowing nothing at all about this film.

Having seen it I still know next to nothing about this film.

I feel very sorry for whoever wrote and directed it, everyone involved really, because it is obviously a labour of love. It's just, sadly, a labour of love that is not very entertaining. It is slow as a wet week and boring.

Even the attraction of Alex Dimitriades and Angus Sampson were not enough to save this stinker. For the first half nothing happens at all, just lots of shots of Rachel Taylor looking dull and sad. A little more (emphasis on little) happens in the second half but to be honest we walked out towards the end because we were loosing the will to live so I don't actually know if there was even a conclusion or if everyone in the cast just fell asleep from boredom.

Not an Australian film that will be replacing Muriel's Wedding in my affections, I'm afraid.

Movie Review: My Year Without Sex

No, this is not a documentary about my life... [Is it mandatory that every married woman around my age pretends she doesn't have sex? At least it's a common theme hinted at amongst the people I know... A little sad I think...]

This is the new-ish film from Sarah Watts who made the wonderful Look Both Ways about five years ago. I was immediately attracted to this because it stars Sacha Horler who I enjoyed so much in the film version of Praise.

This film is so Australian it was almost painful to watch; so close to the bone. Like The Castle in it's honest look at Australian family life but not funny, well a little funny.

It's a look at a very typical Australian family dealing with life and what happens when mum gets sick. It's small, sweet, sad, tender, beautifully written. The entire cast is great but the two child actors are particularly good.

Thumbs up.

Rocktober Day Fifteen: She Talks To Angels

I discovered The Black Crowes around 1990 when their first album Shake Your Money Maker came out. The single Hard To Handle (didn't realise it was a Tom Jones cover at the time) attracted my attention and I was quickly hooked. That album, as well as their second release The Southern Harmony and Musical Companion, are two of my favourite albums of all time. There's nothing better for driving than sticking some Crowes in the old CD stacker.

They toured Australia around 1991 and that hot, sweaty show at the old Hordern Pav was one of the best live gigs I've ever seen. Raw rock and roll of the best kind. Seeing them live last year was a very different story. Rubbish. Not altogether their fault.

Anyway, this song stands out because it is accoustic and beautiful and it tells a story that those who know someone with a drug addiction can relate to. A life lost to drugs and the pain that brings to the loved ones.

She Talks To Angels (wonderful live version from YouTube)

She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
After you meet her family

She paints her eyes as black as night now,
Pulls those shades down tight
Yes, she gives a smile when the pain comes,
The pain gonna make everything alright

Says, she talks to angels,
They call her out by her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name

She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes, the hair is from a little boy,
And the cross is someone she has not met, not yet

Says she talks to angels,
Says they all know her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name

She don't know no lover,
None that I ever seen,
And to her that ain't nothing
But to me, it means, means everything.

She paints those eyes as black as night now
She pulls those shades down tight
Oh yeah, there a smile when the pain comes,
The pain gonna make everything alright, alright yeah

She talks to angels,
Says they call her out her name
Oh yeah-eah-eah, angels
Call her out by her name
Oh-ooh-oh-oh, angels
They call her out by her name
Oh-oh, She talks to angels
They call her out
Yeah-eah-eah, call her out
Don't you know that they call her out by her name?

Rocktober Day Fourteen: It Just Came To Pieces In My Hands

The Style Council were a big part of my musical world as I emerged from the skinhead scene around 1984/5. I saw them play live at The Hordern Pavillion around that time and standing on a milk crate in the front row, reaching out to touch Paul Weller's sweat t-shirt is one of the great memories of my life (yes, I am that shallow, but you know that by now).

They had a truck load of great songs. Apart from churning out many great pop songs they also had a lot of political songs, Paul Weller being a leftie from way back. At the time I was all fist waving bravado, now I'm just middle class soft.

When I put on their Best Of... this is the song I always want to listen to over and over. From the great "tu tu tu..." intro to the brilliant lyrics this song is genius songwriting. It talks about humility, about thinking you own the world and how easily that can get kicked out from under you.

It Just Came To Pieces In My Hands (Live YouTube clip from 1984, how sweet and young is Paul? - go to the 5:30 mark for this song, starts with You're The Best Thing)

I stood as tall as a mountain
I never really thought about the drop
I trod over rocks to get there
Just so I could stand on top

Clumsy and blind I stumbled
As I crawled through desert sands
I didn't stop to think about the consequences
As it came to pieces in my hands

Tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu
Tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu

I thought I was a maritime marvel
I believed that I ruled the waves
All I could say is time is motion
And every effort others made I would save

I was a shit stained statue
School children would stand in awe
I truly believed I was a ceiling of sky
Never thought about having flaws

Tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu
Tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu

I felt as reverent as Jesus
The sanctimony stunk
I thought I was admiral of the missing fleet
I couldn't see that I was sunk

I roared my pride in the darkness
I scratched away at the stars
I thought I was lord of this crappy jungle
I should have been put behind bars

Tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu
Tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu tu ru, tu

But now I sit with my head in my hands
And wail to the weeping wall
The avalanche of my emotions
Holds the audience of one enthralled

I'm learning the lesson the hard way
Like a fall from command
I thought I was king of the whole wide world
But it just came to pieces in my hands

Movie Review: The Girl... the Hornet's Nest

Poo.

Not much more to say. If you're a fan of the books stay away from this rubbish.

Given it is a very dense book with lots of characters and lots of stuff going on I think this is a poor translation to screen. The book was a wonderful rollercoaster ride, the movie is a cobbled together piece of crap.

If I hadn't read the book I would have made no sense of it at all.

Also, very bad translation. Not only were there spelling mistakes but even I, with my non-existent knowledge of Swedish, knew that the translation did not match what was being said. Also numerous instances when white type appeared on pale or white backgrounds making it impossible to read.

Piss poor effort.

PS I have to give it to the Swedes though. I love that they use actors who look like real people, i.e. not perfect. They actually look like normal people, bad hair, bad skin, wobbly body bits. They haven't been polished and air brushed till they sparkle. How wonderful!

Rocktober Day Thirteen: Nobody's Baby Now

Just in case things were getting a little warm and fuzzy, light and airy, around here... I thought it's time to bring the mood down a notch or two (it is day thirteen after all). And who better to bring the mood down than my dark god Mr Nick Cave.

To quote Salt'n'Pepa "what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man". Nick Cave is a mighty good man. I cannot imagine what he's like in real life because he seems so much largerer than life to me but his intellect is awesome. During the recent Australian elections Nick Cave was voted the musician most people wanted to be Prime Minister (see here if you don't believe me) and I would surely vote for him over the given alternatives. Nick Cave for PM I say!

I have many favourite songs of his; Into My Arms was our wedding song and The Ship Song is gorgeous but for beauty of lyrics I couldn't go past this one. It touches on his usual obsessions: religious imagery, lost love, passionate, dangerous realtionships.

Nobody's Baby Now (live YouTube clip from the Bizarre Festival, how apt)

I've searched the holy books
I tried to unravel the mystery of Jesus Christ, the saviour
I've read the poets and the analysts
Searched through the books on human behaviour

I travelled this world around
For an answer that refused to be found

I don't know why and I don't know how
But she's nobody's baby now

I loved her then and I guess I love her still
Her's is the face I see when a certain mood moves in
She lives in my blood and skin

Her wild feral stare, her dark hair
Her winter lips as cold as stone

Yeah, I was her man
But there are some things love won't allow
I held her hand but I don't hold it now

I don't know why and I don't know how
But she's nobody's baby now

This is her dress that I loved best
With the blue quilted violets across the breast

And these are my many letters
Torn to pieces by her long-fingered hand

I was her cruel-hearted man
And though I've tried to lay her ghost down
She's moving through me, even now

I don't know why and I don't know how
But she's nobody's baby now
She's nobody's baby now
Nobody's baby now
She's nobody's baby now

Rocktober Day Twelve: You Just Like Me 'Cos I'm Good In Bed

When my family left the former USSR and brought me to Australia, via Israel and Italy, in 1976 they thought they were bringing me to a better life. Little did they know they were bringing me to the land of Skyhooks.

As an eight year old starting a new life in Sydney, Australia I was a sponge for all things new and all things Australian. The music shows Countdown and Sounds were my cultural bibles. Popular music was my drug and I couldn't get enough. Obviously I was always drawn to the "peculiar" because Skyhooks were certainly that. They were plain, garden variety WEIRD and I loved them. Their strange clothes, make up and crazy songs were magical to my impressionable, young eyes and ears.

Imagine my parent's horror when their little girl started listening to songs like this one. Most of their songs had funny/cool titles: All My Friends Are Getting Married, Living in the Seventies, Horror Movie, Ego (Is Not A Dirty Word).

Skyhooks were fun and wild and out there and they were definitely a band of the 70s. Graeme "Shirley" Strachan was their singer and he was hilarious, a great guy by all accounts. He died in a helicopter accident in 2001. RIP Shirl.

I requested this song at my big 40th bash a couple of years ago and dancing to it, slightly tipsy after a couple of cheap champagnes, brought back a lot of blurry memories. God only knows what the 8 year old me would have made of these lyrics.

You Just Like Me 'Cos I'm Good In Bed (YouTube clip from their first reunion concert)

You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed (X 4)

You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed
Yeah that's what your girlfriend said
You just like me 'cos I give you some head
You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed

Well I'll meet you in the pub at two minutes to ten
You're all ready to go
Six bottles of beer and a sneer on your face
I'd run but I'm much too slow

You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed (X 4)

At half past one I'm flat on the floor
Caught like a rat in a trap
Fifteen times a week and you still want more
God you talk such crap

You just like 'cos I'm good in bed (X 4)

You imagine yourself as Mick Jagger's girlfriend
He wouldn't even spit in your eye
I bet you he don't get raped every weekend
I feel so weak I could die

You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed (X 4)

You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed
Yeah that's what your girlfriend said
You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed
You just like me 'cos I'm good in bed

Rocktober Day Eleven: Lover You Should Have Come Over

It's back-to-school Monday so I need a no-brainer to kick off the week.

My love of Jeff Buckley's music is a well documented fact. His voice is heaven. Marianna's middle name is Grace after his first (and only) studio album (and because I liked the idea of having my own Will and Grace - I am so very shallow).

I love this song because the lyrics take me on an emotional journey. Some of the phrases are true perfection. Regret is not an emotion I'm keen on but this song is about regret; about letting someone go and holding onto those unresolved feelings.

Strangely enough one of my few true regrets is not seeing Jeff Buckley live. He would have been magical. Rest in peace, beautiful man.

Lover You Should Have Come Over (Live clip from YouTube - personally I prefer the polished version from Grace)

Looking out the door
I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations
As their shoes fill up with water

Maybe I'm too young
To keep good love from going wrong
But tonight, you're on my mind so
You never know

Broken down and hungry for your love
With no way to feed it
Where are you tonight?
Child, you know how much I need it.
Too young to hold on
And too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away,
When he feels like he should be having his fun
Much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that, really,
He has no-one...

So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return?
Oh, will I ever learn?
Oh, Lover, you should've come over
Cause it's not too late.

Lonely is the room the bed is made
The open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one
Who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep
That won't ever come
It's never over,
My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over,
all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her...
It's never over,
All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter...
It's never over,
She's a tear that hangs inside my soul forever...

But maybe I'm just too young to keep good love
From going wrong
Oh... lover you should've come over...

Yes, and I feel too young to hold on
I'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind
To see the damage I've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love, well I'll wait for you
Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late.

Rocktober Day Ten: Born With A Tail

While we're on "something different" I remembered how much I used to love this song around '95 when I first heard it on Triple J (when I was young and hip, not old and befuddled).

Being an athiest I did enjoy the anti-religious aspects of this song. It's just a bit of an "up yours" anthem really and I just loved singing along at the top of my lungs on that long, daily drive up and down the F3.

It's not everybody's cup of tea but I enjoyed re-visiting it just now, it's still a rip-roaring fun song... and you gotta love a band whose singer is called Eddie Spaghetti.

Born With A Tail (click here for the clip, you know the drill by now)

I’d rather choose my soul to lose
Than leave around just one confused
And lose desire
Don’t know if I’ll ever learn
Can’t wait ‘til I get my turn
To burn in the infernal hell fire
I’m waiting for my last drive
While the bugle of my backside
Blows a losing beat
Hope I don’t run out of gas
Bet my sacrelicious ass
Ain’t nothing down there that scares me

(Chorus)
Oh yeah!
And you know!
I’m in league with Satan
And you know
There can’t be no debatin’
My hell-bound trail
I was born with a tail!

I’m evil!
Yeah, and I run free
There’s molten lead in me
So let’s get the hell
Got the goods
Brother bring it on
My mother done brought me up wrong
And you can use my dick
As a walkin’ stick as well

(Chorus)

It’s time to fly the finger
Yeah, that middle digit brings your point
And it drives it home
On my head there’s no crown of thorns
This evil scalp has earned its horns
I’m on a highflying time with your mom before I go .

Rocktober Day Nine: Sweet Transvestite

And now for something completely different...

Seeing Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time around 1981 or '82 was like opening the door on a brand new world. It blew my mind. I sent me into sensory overload. I fell in love with every little thing about it and have never looked back. I really couldn't say how many dozens of times I have watched this film. I've seen it twice on stage. Watching it today fills me with as much pleasure and kooky joy as it did that first time.

Before I saw it I don't think I could have imagined that such characters were possible. Yet it is such characters which draw me; I am drawn like a moth to a flame to weird and off the wall, which is quite weird because I come across as very vanilla to the untrained observer.

Anyhow, Sweet Transvestite was the song which made me fall in love with the mammoth talent which is Tim Curry. That voice, those legs, that sneer. There are better songs in the show but to me this is THE song of RHPS, what it's all about.

From the moment Brad and Janet start backing out of the ballroom, the elevator slowly descending behind them, I start to tingle with (consta)anticipation.

Sweet Transvestite (poor quality YouTube clip, sorry couldn't find a better one)

How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman.
Don't get strung out by the way that I look,
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

[Brad] I'm glad we caught you at home, could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car
We don't want to be any worry.

So you got caught with a flat, well, how about that?
Well babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night when it all seems alright
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?
I could show you my favourite obsession.
I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my tension.

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

So come up to the lab. And see what's on the slab.
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
But maybe the rain isn't really to blame
So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.

Rocktober Day Eight: Fidelity

I discovered this song late one night in 2006 as I was staying up way past my bedtime to flick around Foxtel channels. I was captivated by the very memorable music and the gorgeous, black and white (mostly) film clip and by the beautiful Regina Spektor. It was like being slapped in the face by a wet fish, but in a good way. Just a wake up call to wonderful, new music.

When I rushed off to find out about Regina I discovered her life paralleling my own in some ways. She is a Russian Jewish refugee from Soviet Russia, like me. Like my own family in 1972, her family escaped Russia in 1989 and travelled to Austria and Italy (we went to Israel and Italy) before they settled in the US (we finally settled in Australia in 1976).

That's where the similarities end. She is an insanely talented musician and brilliant song writer and ... well, I'm not. She is amazingly beautiful and ... well, I'm not. Nevermind... the silver lining is that I found her music and I love it.

Fidelity is perfection in musical form. The words are so apt for me. I feel so much like I don't love properly, not like other people. I keep one foot on the ground, as Regina says. Maybe I did love that way, a long time ago. When I was young I certainly remember loving fully and dear Neil, my gorgeous Welsh boyfriend circa 1984/5, is the last person I think I really felt that way about. Maybe breaking up with him broke me in the loving department. Maybe I'm just putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 27. Who knows... either way, this song strikes giant chords with me.

Fidelity (official clip on YouTube)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you
Kiss me so sweet and so soft

Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs
Just to break my own fall

Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course
It's gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better!

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
Breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart